The Write Life - Staying True to Your Craft

I've been hooked on TED talks by writers and creators lately. It was this particular one [Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating] given by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love that got me started. I come back to this speech every time I need a pick-me-up while lost in the wilderness of creation or in the pits of despair when things are out of my control.

In her speech, Gilbert talked about the struggles every writer faces: rejection, failure, feeling stuck in the same spot for years, being powerless in the publishing arena and facing things that are out of our control, like market forces and book sales.


On rejection and pushing through:

I failed at getting published for almost six years. So for almost six years, every single day, I had nothing but rejection letters waiting for me in my mailbox. And it was devastating every single time, and every single time, I had to ask myself if I should just quit while I was behind and give up and spare myself this pain. But then I would find my resolve, and always in the same way, by saying, "I'm not going to quit, I'm going home." 

And you have to understand that for me, going home did not mean returning to my family's farm. For me, going home meant returning to the work of writing because writing was my home, because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing, which is to say that I loved writing more than I loved my own ego, which is ultimately to say that I loved writing more than I loved myself. And that's how I pushed through it.

On "going home":

... the remedy for self-restoration is that you have got to find your way back home again as swiftly and smoothly as you can, and if you're wondering what your home is, here's a hint: Your home is whatever in this world you love more than you love yourself. So that might be creativity, it might be family, it might be invention, adventure, faith, service, it might be raising corgis, I don't know, your home is that thing to which you can dedicate your energies with such singular devotion that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

On staying true to your craft:

The only trick is that you've got to identify the best, worthiest thing that you love most, and then build your house right on top of it and don't budge from it.And if you should someday, somehow get vaulted out of your home by either great failure or great success, then your job is to fight your way back to that home the only way that it has ever been done, by putting your head down and performing with diligence and devotion and respect and reverence whatever the task is that love is calling forth from you next.

I'm a born worrier. People around me always tell me to stop overthinking. So it's no surprise that I drive myself crazy going in circles in my head, thinking about potential outcomes (most of them not very pleasant) and obsessing over what I'm doing wrong to remain stuck where I am.

But I often find that losing myself in the story I want to tell not only takes my mind off these worries, it also reminds me of why I'm even doing this in the first place: because, like Gilbert, I love writing more than I love myself. It's something I would do even if I weren't getting paid for it; it's something I do when I'm happy or down or troubled or angry; it's something I will always do and can't help but doing because making up stories is already a part of me -- it's in my blood.

I think there are some people who wander in life for years, not knowing what their purpose is, and lucky the ones who find their calling early in life and therefore have years to work on it. So when you do find your calling, you need to hold on to it, nurture it, and keep in mind why you love it even when there are moments - many of them - when you feel like giving up.

So onward, storytellers. May you always manage find your way back home to what you love, and not waver in the face of failure.

A Single Girl's Guide to Being Happy this Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day this weekend. Which means a weekend of enduring the sight of couples wearing cheesy coordinated outfits and men presenting stuffed teddy bears to girls, as well as the barrage of commemorative photos on social media. #truelove4eva

Funny how it's been years since this occasion was first given so much commercial value, and people still buy into the whole fanfare.

Maybe I'm just a cynic, or I don't understand what it's like to be in love. But while I'm sure there's much to appreciate about being in a committed relationship with someone, there's also a lot to be thankful for as a twenty-something singleton.

As I navigate the dating minefield, I've also been collecting dating and relationship advice from well-meaning friends of mine (who have witnessed me at the height of an infatuation and suffered through my tales of unrequited interest, on my part and on the chaser's).

Here are some that struck a chord in me, along with other lessons I've learned on my own:

1. Know Thy Worth

If you make someone your everything and he only treats you as his something, it's going to end in tears. You expect too much. You want more. You start getting resentful. It's only going to wear you out in the end. And you deserve more than that.

So remember what you are worth. If the guy isn't putting in any effort at all, then he isn't worthy of you.


2. Focus on Being You



Nobody likes a wallflower with the personality of a sock. Be happy in your own company. If you don't even enjoy being with yourself, then you can't expect someone else to. So fill up your life with the things that make you happy. Have goals. Strive to achieve them. Start creating a version of yourself that you will be proud of. When you're so busy being you, you won't need validation from anyone else but yourself. And that itself is a powerful thing.


3. Take Your Time

While my Facebook feed is choked with pictures of friends and acquaintances flaunting their engagement rings, anniversary photos and even (gasp) babies, I feel like there are also many of them who are also single.

Sometimes, it can feel like this:



I don't see the point in going into a premature relationship and then half-assing it. "Trying out" with someone I'm not 100% into would eventually just wear out an INFJ like me. Like my friend Liz said, timing is important. If two people are at different stages of their lives where they are seeking different things, then it's likely that they will run parallel to each other and never meet, even if they do like each other. Tragic, but true.

So I guess time takes time. Better a happy singledom than an unhappy relationship.


4. Be Open ... But Have Some Standards

I've been told that my expectations are too high - a statement that I really don't agree with, by the way - and that you could have someone who ticks all the right boxes in your checklist (if you have one) but it still wouldn't feel right ... as Glamour's experiment below proved.

Girl Meets Her Perfect Match

That doesn't mean you settle for anyone who shows the slightest bit of interest in you. Rather, it's taking the time to know more people so that you understand what you're really looking for so that you don't end up rushing into a relationship.


5. Don't Sweat It



A rejection isn't the end of the world. A non-reply - or a curt, half-hearted one - may dent your dignity, but what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. Sometimes, you can do everything right and things would still not work out the way you hope it would. What are you going to do, mope and cry?

Once you start placing less importance on one thing, you're freeing yourself up to many other things. You're giving yourself the space to pursue other things, and saving yourself a whole lot of angst in doing so.

Besides, no one said you only had to go after one thing in life. And frankly, you have better things to worry about than why he blue-ticked you on WhatsApp.


6. But Don't Ever Give Up on Love



This one came from my dad. Despite all the horror stories we've heard about relationships gone wrong and people being screwed over by love, he still believes there's someone out there for me. And according to him, the worst thing you can do for yourself that would diminish your chances of ever falling in love is to become disillusioned by the notion of love.

So even if consecutive lacklustre dates and humiliating rejections may convince you that you're better off alone after all, I guess the key is to have faith that someday someone will appreciate you for being you, and vice versa. In the meantime, stay awesome and get comfortable with solitude.

What other dating advice have you received that you think is worth imparting? Share them in the Comments section below! I'm all ears.

This article first appeared on ZALORA Community.

mid-Jan - should we be worried now?!

Mid-month.

Two weeks into January, and things are taking shape.

Still too early to tell what that will finally settle into.

Still too early to be hopeful.

So baby steps. We'll get there.

Meanwhile on the writing front, I'm still plodding my way through Before I Remember You, and it is NOT PRETTY. Typically, I get about a third into a novel (about a hundred pages) before I start losing steam. But I'm only at page 30 and already I want to rewrite the whole thing. I probably should, right? Minimise opportunity cost and all that? Save it before it's too late? Or maybe I should just push through and emerge on the other side with a story actually figured out? I don't know! Where's the writing manual when you need it?!

But maybe this is the answer for everything in life:

Have a great weekend! :0)

hello, 2016

Funny how quickly years just pass once you start working. Ever since I started working in the fashion e-commerce industry, time has been measured in sales campaigns, and season by season, festival by festival, we reached the end of 2015.

And really, all things considered, 2015 has been pretty kind to me.

2015 was the year I travelled with my dad to one of the countries I've always wanted to visit.

2015 was the year I was tasked with bigger challenges at work that made it all the more satisfying and engaging.

2015 was the year I made new friends and became closer with existing ones. Friends found in unlikely places, and friends who made the workplace a lot less dull. Old friends I didn't see as much as I would have liked, but remained in touch despite our busy schedules. Thank you for being in my life - you know who you are.

2015 was the year I had (in a long time) that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling whenever I saw someone. It's a feeling that makes you smile whenever you think of a person, and realise you aren't actually dead at heart.

2015 was the year of Neverland, where I spent a good part of it slaving over the manuscript that I'm pitching to agents now.

2015 was the year I got invited to my first ever panel at Singapore Writers Festival and met other writers, accomplished and aspiring. They made me go more confidently in the direction of my dreams, and the young ones in particular reminded me of that budding passion for writing that I might sometimes have lost sight of in my hurry to get published.

2015 was the year I met fans and made new writer friends who counselled, inspired, and encouraged me whenever my confidence and passion wavered.

2015, however, was also the year I experienced the loss of a family member. It was the year of rejection letters and more moments of despair and thoughts of giving up. It was the year of second-guessing myself and wanting to do more to live up to expectations. It was the year of having a lot yet wanting more. And I don't see that as a bad thing, because it's only when you strive for more that you actually get closer to where you want to be.

So in 2016, I will want more. Do more, see more, experience more. And hopefully, I can keep going forward in the direction I choose.

And I wish the same for you, dear readers. Thank you for your constant (invisible but palpable) presence. May 2016 be a year of serendipitous encounters and discoveries for you. I wish you more - I wish you passion and hunger and lofty dreams to chase. May you have more gratifying experiences that are fulfilling but also leave you wanting more.

So here's to new beginnings and all that. Let's hope this fuel keeps burning till the end of the year.

post-christmas state

Reading this:

Image from Goodreads

This book makes me want to delve into another fantasy project! Leigh Bardugo has a knack for creating vividly imagined worlds, endearing characters with fully fleshed out back-stories, and quiet tension that keeps you flipping the pages way past bedtime. It's not hard to see why she has such a passionate fanbase, or why Six of Crows debuted at number one on the New York Times Bestseller List.


Watching this: 

Image from Drama Fever

My Lovely Girl (starring Rain and Krystal) came with mixed reviews. Some said the plot was too slow, and some loved the character development. But it's surprisingly engaging, with the sort of K-drama moments that I love (you know, the ones where the characters don't say a word and the music swells and you just feel all the feels and hear all the unsaid words? It's those moments where you feel yourself falling for a show and start rooting for the characters. Those are the moments I want to create in my stories.)

Plus, Krystal is always a joy to watch.

Girl crush!

Missing this:

Discovering this: 

His name is James, and he's the bass guitarist of the Royal Pirates. You're welcome.


Listening to this:

It's been two years since they debuted. Can we please start appreciating this under-rated band more already! I've raved about them here on ZALORA Community (yes, unabashed plug here), so I won't say more. Just give them a listen.


Writing this:

Receiving this:

Sigh. Into the Rejection folder this goes. But I am still beyond grateful for the feedback, even if this isn't quite the result I was hoping for.

Nothing like some heartwarming fan mail to lift your spirits and spur you on!


And lastly, finding strength in this:

Happy holidays! :0)

5 things Googled this week in the name of writing

Writers research the strangest things. If you delve into our search histories, you'd think we are planning a homicide or dabbling in the occult. Extensive research on Russian history and folklore is how YA fantasy author Leigh Bardugo managed to create the entire Grishaverse, and how Gillian Flynn could plot intricate novels like Gone Girl and Dark Places.

Historical and crime novels are possibly the most difficult genres to write, at least for me. Even contemporary and magical realism are hard enough without all that world building and fact checking coming into play.

For the next work-in-progress, these are some things I've been reading up on:


1. Selective amnesia

"A type of amnesia in which the victim loses certain parts of his/her memory. Common elements that may be forgotten: relationships, special talents (e.g. juggling, whistling, instrumental talents, etc.), where he/she lives, abilities in certain areas (e.g. a new gymnast forgetting she cannot cartwheel yet), and events such as concerts, shows, or traumatic events (e.g. a death/suicide of a loved one or attempt on one's own life)."


2. Memory implantation

"A technique used in cognitive psychology to investigate human memory. In memory implantation studies researchers make people believe that they remember an event that actually never happened."


3. Draconids meteor shower

"One of the two meteor showers to annually grace the skies in October. The Draconids owe their name to the constellation Draco the Dragon, and are created when the Earth passes through the dust debris left by comet 21 P/ Giacobini-Zinner. The comet takes about 6.6 years to make a single revolution around the Sun.

"Unlike most meteor showers, the Draconids are best seen in the evening, instead of before dawn. That's because the winged Dragon, the shower's radiant point, flies highest in the sky at nightfall."

4. False memory syndrome

"The psychological phenomenon in which a person recalls a memory that did not actually occur. FMS describes a condition in which a person's identity and relationships are affected by memories that are factually incorrect but that they strongly believe."

"We all have inaccurate memories. Rather, the syndrome is diagnosed when the memory is so deeply ingrained that it orients the individual's entire personality and lifestyle — disrupting other adaptive behavior. False memory syndrome is destructive because the person assiduously avoids confronting evidence that challenges the memory. Thus it takes on a life of its own; the memory becomes encapsulated and resistant to correction. Subjects may focus so strongly on the memory that it effectively distracts them from coping with real problems in their life."

WOW. Book material right there. Disturbed protagonist, anyone?


5. Motivated forgetting

"A theorized psychological behavior in which people may forget unwanted memories, either consciously or unconsciously. It is not a defence mechanism, since these are unconscious coping techniques used to reduce anxiety ... There are two main classes of motivated forgetting: psychological repression is an unconscious act, while thought suppression a conscious form of excluding thoughts and memories from awareness."


I've Googled weirder things. Just saying. But hey,

My fingers are all tingly now from all the ideas buzzing around in me, so off to write I shall go! Happy weekend! :0)

writing mood for today

I'm clearing my annual leaves for the year, and this frees up loads more time to write! Brings me back to the early job-hunting days and semester breaks in school when I had ample time to clock in 3,000 words a day while querying literary agents. Good times.

So. What to write next? That fantasy novel that's been brewing in my head for almost a year, or that magical realism one that I've already plotted out in excruciating detail? Third-person POV, or first? Write by the seat of my figurative pants or solidify every single plot and detail first? Decisions, decisions.

But first, Pinterest.

 

I guess we have an answer ;0)

Happy (Black) Friday, everyone! Don't cave in to unnecessary wants!

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars."

I’m late to the game, but I finally caught The Fault in Our Stars last night. I’d been avoiding this book/movie because it’s not about one sick person in a doomed relationship but TWO. You know this story will only end in tears, and I just wasn’t in the mood for it.

But Ed Sheeran’s All of the Stars music video, as well as Birdy’s Not about Angels, drove me to watch it at last.

The last time I cried so hard over a movie … Shoot, I can’t even remember. Even though I might have cried six times throughout The Return of the King (because LOTR will always have a special place in my heart), I didn’t literally sob into my palms the way I had at TFIOS.

Thank you, John Green. And I know my tweet was mildly sarcastic

Finally caught #TheFaultInOurStars. Thanks for ripping out my heart, @johngreen. I didn't need it anyway. BRB bawling my eyes out.

— Joyce Chua Xiu Wen (@joycewrites2509) November 15, 2015

But really, thank you. For creating such a beautiful, tragic, but somehow uplifting story that sheds light on cancer and the battle cancer patients fight every day.

I’m generally not into books with insta-love (Twilight was a phase – we all have our inglorious pasts), because I can’t understand how people can fall so completely head-over-heels for someone so quickly. Crushes I understand – but love?

But I suppose for Gus and Hazel, with only limited time on earth, they would feel everything more keenly. Insta-love in this case is not only justified, but credible. I love how they bonded not over their illness, but over a book, and a huge part of the story follows them on their voyage to Amsterdam to find the author, Peter van Houten, who changed their lives. And their interaction felt so real, you feel like you ARE Hazel falling for Augustus.



I also really like Hazel’s relationship with her parents. It's not the "teenager wanting to be free and independent and hence rebels against the parents" trope you see in many YA stories. Hazel's parents are protective without being stifling, and they have an implicit understanding with Hazel that they're all in this together. It's so nice to see a loving relationship between the teenage protagonist and her parents for once.

After Gus's funeral ceremony, when Hazel just sat in her car, taking a moment for herself, I felt her pain. Her grief, her longing, her sudden emptiness. I missed Gus as much as she did. I missed his sweet and adorable text messages. I missed his bravado, his cocky smirk. I missed the reassuring smile he reserved just for Hazel. I missed everything about him.

But while the ending was devastating enough to bring even grown men to tears (what did you expect, right, with a love story of two terminally-ill patients?), it wasn't depressing. John Green gave Hazel – and us – closure with Gus's letter.

"Mr. Van Houten, 

I'm a good person but a shitty writer. You're a shitty person but a good writer. I think we'd make a good team. I don't wanna ask you for any favors, but, if you have the time (and from what I saw you have plenty) please fix this for me. It's a eulogy for Hazel. She asked me to write one and I’m trying, I - I just.. I could use a little flair. See, the thing is, we all wanna be remembered. 

But Hazel's different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn't want a million admirers, she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn't loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn't that more than most of us get? 

When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn't wanna say so. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for 10 minutes and I sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands. Still warm and her nails were painted this dark blue-black color and I just held them. And I willed myself to imagine a world without us, and what a worthless world that would be. 

She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you cause you know she is. She's funny without ever being mean.
I love her. God, I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. 
You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. 

Okay, Hazel Grace?" 

- Augustus Waters

*

I feel so much better now after getting this out of my system. I spent the remainder of last night completely zombified, useless with my chores, because TFIOS is one of those stories that reaches into you and wreck you from within.

Plus, John Green is such a lovely human being!

I'm officially a fan.

Next up, If I Stay. Already have it on my Kindle, along with TFIOS, so bring on another bout of the feels. Yay for YA fiction!

Singapore Writers Festival - for the dreamers and the story-tellers

Singapore Writers Festival 2015 - Island of Dreams! It was a pleasant surprise to be invited to this year's SWF. I'd only ever published one book, so the honour is all mine.

But for an INFJ, the idea of public speaking was enough to send me spiralling into a neurotic worry-fest. What if the audience gets bored, or finds me obnoxious and self-indulgent? What if I fall over my foot (happens quite often) or trip over my words (ditto) or blush so hard I start sweating (you have no idea).

But then I wrote a script, and I rehearsed it in front of a mirror countless times, and I prepared answers to anticipated questions. And then I rehearsed again. I know, I know. A panel is supposed to be spontaneous and fun, and shouldn't involve scripts or rehearsed speeches. But consider it a crutch. It made me feel better, knowing that I had answers prepared so I wouldn't flounder for one when the time came.

And instead of obsessing over how I would be perceived, I focused on what I can bring to the panel and share with the audience. Really, if ever there was a tip that might help with giving a speech, this would be it. Focus on your audience and what you can give them. People may not necessarily remember everything you say, but they won't forget how you make them feel.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself.

On the day of the panel itself, the two other panellists/writers, Joyce 2 (I'm Joyce 1) and Rachel Hartman, the panel moderator, Denise, and I arranged to have lunch together to get to know each other before the panel.

But since I got there way too early for our meeting (as usual), I got some pictures out of the way.

Programme booklet and my festival pass!

Because it's not a festival without some music, an outdoor stage was set up just outside The Arts House.

Plus, I bought postcards from the little booths around The Arts House, one of the venues of SWF!

Since, you know, the theme of this year's festival is "the island of dreams".

Anyway, Rachel got a little lost and went to the wrong Privé Café, and the three of us assumed she wasn't turning up because she once mentioned that too much social interaction gave her a sensory overload (introvert problems - we all completely understood).

But she found us in the end, and it was lovely to sit down for lunch with her (she was surprisingly good with curry chicken)! Rachel Hartman, if you're still unacquainted with her, is the author of the award-winning fantasy novel Seraphina. The book was ranked number 8 on the New York Times bestseller list in its first week of publication AND awarded the 2013 William C. Morris Award for the best young adult work by a debut author. HELLO. NYT bestseller upon debut? WOW. And what are the rest of us doing with our lives.

But she was so sweet and friendly and chatty, and so were Joyce Chng (who also writes about dragons and is a huge sci-fi fan) and Denise that I felt loads calmer.

As 4.30pm inched closer, however, my jitters came back.

The stage is set

Then people started filling in and getting comfortable. The mood was relaxed and the setting cosy

The audience got beanbags to laze in!

All in a day's work! Many thanks to the Singapore Writers Festival for inviting me. It was the loveliest experience ever with these two smart, funny, and distinguished ladies (fangirl moment when I spoke with Rachel Hartman btw). The audience raised intelligent and pertinent questions, and the mood was relaxed. I also learned of the existence of fanfic-writing fans of Lambs For Dinner (like whoa!). I'd love to be back! And hopefully, I'll have a new book out soon. Till next year!! :*

A photo posted by Joyce Chua (@jcxw2590) on Nov 8, 2015 at 2:47am PST

Ah yes, the fanfic. Joyce's 12-year-old daughter, Jaslyn, kind of freaked out when she realised I was the author of Lambs for Dinner. And she started gushing about how her friend loved the book so much she wrote "cringe-worthy fanfic" about it. SQUEEEEE! Cringe-worthy or not (I'm sure Jaslyn has high standards, seeing as her mom is an author - side note: I've always wanted to know what it feels like having an author for a parent), imagine having fanfic spawned from something you wrote! How cool is that!

And my primary school classmates and English teacher came! ♥

(Sorry I didn't manage to get a shot with everyone there! Still, HUUUGE thank you for attending! You don't know how comforting it was to see familiar faces in the crowd.)

Pre-panel jitters aside, it was a really good experience. Not just public speaking bit, but also meeting young aspiring writers and fans of the books. I met those wide-eyed with hope and passion, those who had scribbled down a list of questions they didn't get to ask during the panel, those who recounted their attempts at writing a novel before they realised how hard it was or decided they were terrible at it (to which Rachel, Joyce and I say, DO NOT give in to that notion. Everyone starts somewhere. Every writer goes through terrible first drafts before they get somewhere good, or at least somewhere they want to end up. That's what the rewriting and editing processes are for), and those who were too afraid to pursue their passion in writing and needed a nudge in the right direction.

I really, REALLY enjoyed talking to them. Partly because I see so much of myself in them - they remind me of myself back when I was a 16-year-old aspiring writer too - but also because their passion and enthusiasm are so genuine and yet unsullied by reality and conventional societal expectations.

I can't stress this enough:

The world needs more artists and dreamers and story-tellers, and it is all the richer with our voices in it. Don't give up because you think you're no good at it, or because someone told you it's a waste of time, or because it doesn't reap tangible rewards. Write because you love it. Write because there is a story - maybe more - living inside you. Write because you need to be heard. Write because you want to entertain. Write because you want to inspire. Whatever the reason, you write. And you keep writing. And keep reading. You will get better, and someday you will be heard.

Strangely, this whole experience just made me all the more determined to get my next book published.

See you at the next SWF! :0)