Tuesday, October 29, 2013

the feels you put me through

I told my dad the other day that I have no books I'm DYING to buy as of now, and he made no attempt to conceal his surprise or relief. But that's only because the books I'm really dying to read will only be coming out next year.


List of books to look forward to in 2014:

1. And here we have ... the synopsis for DREAMS OF GODS AND MONSTERS (the finale to the DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE trilogy)!!!!!!

DREAMS starts where DAYS OF BLOOD AND STARLIGHT left off, with Karou and Akiva discovering each other alive — although Karou is still not ready to forgive Akiva for killing the only family she’s ever known. And now, through an act of staggering deception, Karou has taken control of the chimaera rebellion and is intent on steering its course away from dead-end vengeance.
When Jael’s brutal angel army trespasses into the human world, Karou and Akiva must ally their enemy armies against the threat. It is a twisted version of their long-ago dream, and they begin to hope that it might forge a way forward for their people. And, perhaps, for themselves – maybe even toward love. But there are bigger threats than Jael in the offing. From the streets of Rome to the caves of the Kirin and beyond, humans, chimaera, and seraphim will fight, strive, love, and die in an epic theater that transcends good and evil, right and wrong, friend and enemy.

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...

Publication date: 8 April 2014

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2. In a similar vein, Maggie Stiefvater, who produced the beautiful, dramatic trilogy that was SHIVER, has decided to write a spinoff called SINNER, starring Cole and Isabel:

SINNER follows Cole St. Clair, a pivotal character from the #1 New York Times bestselling SHIVER trilogy. Everybody thinks they know Cole's story. Stardom. Addiction. Downfall. Disappearance. But only a few people know Cole's darkest secret -- his ability to shift into a wolf. One of these people is Isabel. At one point, they may have even loved each other. But that feels like a lifetime ago. Now Cole is back. Back in the spotlight. Back in the danger zone. Back in Isabel's life. Can this sinner be saved? 

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...

Publication date: 1 July, 2014
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3. Also, The Merry Sisters of Fate, who used to post fantastic short stories on their website before their short stories got published in THE CURIOSITIES, have another anthology coming out! Maggie Stiefvater, Brenna Yovanoff (who wrote THE REPLACEMENT, PAPER VALENTINE) and Tessa Gratton (who wrote BLOOD MAGIC)

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Yes, please!

...

Publication date: all Maggie said was next year.



4. Deb Caletti, who made me fall in love with her books after reading WILD ROSES, has worked her magic again with THE LAST FOREVER:

Endings and beginnings sit so close to each other that it’s sometimes impossible to tell which is which.
Nothing lasts forever, and no one gets that more than Tessa. After her mother died, it’s all she can do to keep her friends, her boyfriend, her happiness from slipping away. And then there’s her dad. He’s stuck in his own daze, and it’s so hard to feel like a family when their house no longer seems like a home.
Her father’s solution? An impromptu road trip that lands them in a small coastal town at Tessa’s grandmother’s. Despite all the warmth and beauty there, Tessa can’t help but feel even more lost.
Enter Henry Lark. He understands the relationships that matter. And more importantly, he understands her. A secret stands between them, but Tessa’s willing to do anything to bring them together—because Henry may just be her one chance at forever.

After reading WILD ROSES, and later HONEY, BABY SWEETHEART, I was like,

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Which is why for THE LAST FOREVER, I'm like,
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Why do you do this to me, writers?! Still, if that means I - and all the fans - get to enjoy perfectly written books, then,

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Monday, October 28, 2013

this brain is on fire

Best-selling author Laini Taylor (I know you must be rolling your eyes at my adoration of Queen Laini, but I think she's awesomeness drizzled on awesome so suck it) offers a solid guideline on how to write the most kickass novel you can possibly write:

HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL

1. Daydream. A lot. (required)
2. Get a notebook that’s just right, with good paper that won’t curl and that you can’t see the ink through, but that isn't so precious you’ll be afraid to “mess it up.” This is for ideas.
3. Think up stories until you've got an idea you love, that sets your mind on fire with possibilities. 
4. Take that idea and cross-examine the bejeezus out of it. In your notebook, ask it EVERYTHING. WHY and WHO and HOW and WHEN and REALLY, ARE YOU SURE? And again HOW and WHY and HOW and WHY. Think and think and think. Think way past the borders of your idea, so that the world you dream up is like a big huge trampoline you won’t fall off the edge of if you jump too high.
5. Do some research on things that come up in your brainstorming. You’ll find out marvelous marvelous things that will make your story richer, and that can give you a missing puzzle piece that pulls everything together.
6. Write.7. Write.8. Write.
9. Learn what you need as a writer and develop your own rhythm and routine. Routine is good. Like a just-right notebook, find a just-right place to write. A haven. 
10. Write.11. Write.12. Write.
13. When you get to a place where the story halts like a stubborn mule and just won’t go anywhere, resort to daydreaming mode. But not some wishy-washy namby-pamby brainstorming: ferocious, knife-strapped-to-your-thigh brainstorming! List every possible damn thing that might happen, even if it means carrying that mule over your shoulder back several scenes and taking a different turn in the labyrinth. Open your mind. Write down everything, even if it seems stupid, and keep thinking, keep asking yourself questions. Sometimes drastic measures are called for, like erasing a character who isn't really pulling his weight, and replacing him with somebody who will give your mule just the kick in the ass it needs. Don’t be timid.
14. Keep writing until you've got a first draft, then celebrate your deep genius and tell everyone you've written a book! Gloat!
15. Wait a while. A few weeks, perhaps. Then read your draft as if it was something you’d picked up at the bookstore. Figure out what you love and what you don’t. Be absolutely honest with yourself about the boring parts, and about the parts where the author is clearly forcing the characters to do things, where motivations don’t ring true, where it rambles. Think how to fix it. 
16. Rewrite.17. Rewrite.18. Rewrite.
19. Gloat even more with the completion of the second draft. Get people to read it and give your compliments and pour champagne over your head. 
20. Repeat steps 15 - 18, as many times as needed. 

See what I mean by Laini-style writing? She brings even lists to life with her writing.

AND, as if she's not awesome enough, she also shared a series of essays on writing on this site. It is INVALUABLE, along with this inspiring post.

It's such a relief to know that a talented writer like Laini Taylor also has bad writing days that feel so similar to the ones you go through. To know that she managed to push through all that to produce books as mind-blowingly spectacular as the DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE series is inspiring. Her posts on writing are always so encouraging, and she provides such elaborate detailed insight on her own writing process. She probably has no idea how helpful her blog is for other writers.

Bottom-line:
I truly believe that sometimes the only path to the "right way" is through a dozen wrong ways. Hopefully not more than a dozen! Sometimes I even get it right the first time or second, and that's wonderful, but if I don't, I keep at it. Because I really want to be a writer!  
Do you? 
Yes, yes and a thousand times HECK YES. So I'm trying out her suggestion:

Make a list of favorite things
Think up things that light your mind on fire. Get into a free-writing mentality and start listing them. Let one thing lead to another. Items on the list can be single words or whole paragraphs or anything in between. If ideas start to click and you want to go off on a tangent, DO. 


Here's my list:

1.
Wings of any kind, in any form: battered, gilded, bloodied, ravaged, burnt, or white as unsullied snow. The drifting of loose feathers and the spreading of wings.

2.


Masks and face paint. From the most ornate masks for masquerade balls to the most primitive face paints smeared on for survival.

3.
Carnival lights. Dancing, coloured lights against the indigo sky.

4.
Over-ripe fruits bursting with juice that run down their sides. 

5.
Bones and teeth, bleached white by the sun and tinted yellow by time, blackened by neglect and stained red by fresh death.

6.
Feral children, with their wide wary eyes.

7.
Kisses salted with tears and half-forgotten memories.

8.
Alleys filled with the acrid aftertaste of a fire and the ghostly trails of smoke.


(I obviously need therapy. But if it gets the words flowing, I'm a happy patient.)

Now, your turn. What sets your brain on fire and makes those words flow out of your fingers? Happy writing, guys!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Deconstructing a story

So recently, I've been watching this drama called GONNA MAKE IT. It airs on Channel 8 at 9pm every weekday and will run its last episode today.


It's been a while since a story produced by Channel 8 moved me to tears and didn't make me cringe at the cliched plot or stilted acting or dialogue. In fact, GONNA MAKE IT is a really well-written script with a watchable cast that doesn't entirely suck in acting. And it appears I'm not alone in the sentiment. It's been the second highest rating show for weeks.

So I thought I would, as an audience and a writer, attempt to deconstruct this story and find out why it managed to keep me glued to the TV night after night. Laini Taylor advised the same thing too, here:

"I will suggest this homework: take the books that grip you, that give you an amazing experience, and read them as a writer. Figure out what they do, what questions they make you ask, and how they do it."

(I know I keep mentioning Laini Taylor - it seems almost ingratiating, but I just can't stop raving about her and her writing.)

On Wikipedia, the show falls under the genres of teens, romance, hairdressing and drama. Their synopsis is a little long, so I'll give you the nutshell version here:

Xiaoxiao (from hereon called XX because I'm too lazy to type out her name) is a reformed delinquent with a passion for hairdressing. The story starts where she is released from prison after getting involved in a gang fight that saw her best friend stabbed to death. Eager to leave her past behind, she is on the run from her old gang of friends when she runs into Oscar, the young CEO of a prestigious salon chain, who gradually comes to recognise XX's passion and potential to be a skilled hairdresser. As XX struggles with finding a hairdressing job because of her criminal record, Oscar decides to take a chance on her and offer her a job at one of his salons. But XX's friends, one of whom is hopelessly infatuated with her, won't seem to leave her alone and constantly get her into trouble. She eventually ends up disappointing Oscar and resigns in shame.

At the lowest point in her life, she meets A'man, a mercurial high-profile hairdresser who is highly sought after by A-list celebrities. A'man admires XX's tenacity and passion for her craft and decides to nurture her talent. Despite their constant clashes at the beginning, they soon develop a profound mentor-student relationship. She is the first one who learns of his terminal illness, and agrees to keep it a secret.

To Oscar, XX is still far too mired in her past as she can't seem to cut off all ties with her old friends. But to XX, Oscar can't seem to look past her history. Despite all that, the two fall in love. But their relationship is not without its consequences. Oscar's jealous cousin, Wenya, who is used to getting her way ALL THE TIME, will stop at nothing to eliminate XX from Oscar's life, better yet if she loses everything she has and can no longer pursue her hairdressing dream.


Things to admire about the story:

1. The characters:

XX is a flawed but resilient character you want to root for all the way to the end. She makes decisions that aren't always the best ones, and makes mistakes despite her good intentions that makes the audience sympathise with her. Plus, Julie Tan's convincing acting plays a huge part in bringing the character to life. And to think she's only 21! (Helps, also, that the main leads are easy on the eyes. *wink*)

And while there's the antagonist - an outright villain, in fact - Wenya, she is not irredeemable. Her actions, while misguided, stem from an understandable motivation: to hold on to the person she loves and is in danger of losing to XX.

This story, unlike other TV addictions of mine such as THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, doesn't rely on supernatural creatures or high-octane action to keep the audience riveted. It is character-driven - i.e. the characters are the ones driving the story forward with their desires and fears and emotions. This type of story, to me, is harder to plot than a fantasy one, but also the most rewarding to write because you bring so much of yourself to it, and the emotions come out stronger in your characters than you realise in yourself. (I hope I'm making some sense.)


2. The plot:

The writer wove subplots into the main plot like a maestro. Subplots are one thing I can never seem to wield confidently. I often start with a character and her journey, but forget about the supporting characters and THEIR stories, which often play a part in shaping the protagonist's journey.

XX not only meets adversaries and faces difficulties in her personal life, her career is also often threatened by jealous coworkers stand between her and her hairdressing dreams. But it's these adversities that strengthen her relationship with her mentor, A'man, and her boyfriend Oscar. Subplots are supposed to help drive the main story forward. They are separate from the main thread, but shouldn't seem too separate. They should be woven sneakily into the story, so that everything comes together as a cohesive fabric.

My stories, however, seem piece-y, because I can't forge a link strong enough between the main plot and subplots.



3. The pacing:

Every episode leaves the audience on a high note, and generates a lot of buzz on the Twittersphere - #gonnamakeit is one of the top trends every night - because we can't wait to see what happens in the next episode. Because the writers have succeeded in making us care for the characters, we are invested in their lives. We want the protagonist achieve her goals, and will stick it out till the end to see that she does.


This is exactly what we need as writers, for our readers to remain glued to the book till the very last page. To have cried and laughed with the characters, to celebrate her triumphs and empathise with her struggles. To feel like they've read a gratifying, moving story after setting the book down. To constantly think about the characters long after they've finished the book. To look forward to the next story from the writer.

Speaking of which, the writer of the greatly beloved Korean drama SECRET GARDEN has created another story called HEIRS. Given how amazing SECRET GARDEN was - it remains the best Korean drama I have ever watched, and partly influenced the mood of my novel, UNTIL MORNING - I have high hopes for HEIRS.

But for now, back to more plotting for NEVERLAND, and rewriting for BLOOD PROMISE!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

for the love of books

Several good links to share:


1. The ever brilliant storyteller, Laini Taylor, draws inspiration from SPIRITED AWAY's creator Miyazaki to explain her thought process on pacing.

"As a storyteller, it's something I'm always trying to structure. Plus this: often I find the "at rest" moments to be the most fun and rewarding. From my very beginnings as a novelist I've been trying to strike the balance between imperative forward momentum and enjoyable interludes that exist purely for color, character development and fun ... You can't indulge in too many of them or you slow down the plot. But if you don't have them at all, at least for me, I find that I careless about the plot. There has to be a feeling of life and reality extending beyond the plot. There has to be an established threshold of "normal" that is being overthrown by the high stakes of the current situation. Or else ... EVERYTHING IS LIFE OR DEATH yawwwwwn ..."

Personally, I love that lull in between action scenes. The emotions just come out that much stronger, as though you're still riding on that momentum from the last action scene that's seguing into the next.

Unfortunately, sometimes you need to know when to build up the action again. Otherwise, you'll end up with TOO GREAT a lull and your story slows down. Which is really the last thing you want. (See: a literary agent's feedback on BLOOD PROMISE)



2. Writer Darcy Pattison shares her thoughts on what the wretched first draft means to her:

"The purpose of the first draft is to figure out what story you are telling. The purpose of all other drafts is to figure out the most dramatic way to tell that story."

The first draft is usually a huge mess that lurches in spits and stops, weighed down by unbalanced pacing and sometimes stilted dialogue and exposition. It causes much agony. It is often regarded as eeeevil. Even Hemingway says so.


But without the first draft, there won't be anything to edit or rewrite later. I guess as much as we might agonise over it, we just need to stick it out or give up on our story entirely. No one's forcing us to write it, after all.




3. And here, Laini Taylor waxes lyrical about books, independent bookstores and the thrill of little discoveries that make huge impact. And when I say wax lyrical, I mean wax lyrical in that quintessential Laini Taylor way:

"I love bookshelves, and stacks of books, spines, typography, and the feel of pages between my fingertips. I love bookmarks, and old bindings, and stars in margins next to beautiful passages. I love exuberant underlinings that recall to me a swoon of language-love from a long-ago reading, something I hoped to remember. I love book plates, and inscriptions in gifts from loved ones, I love author signatures, and I love books sitting around reminding me of them, being present in my life, being. I love books. Not just for what they contain. I love them as objects too, as ever-present reminders of what they contain, and because they are beautiful. They are one of my favorite things in life, really at the tiptop of the list, easily my favorite inanimate things in existence, and ... I am just not cottoning on to this idea of making them ... not exist anymore. Making them cease to take up space in the world, in my life? No, please do not take away the physical reality of my books."

And she said something that completely resonated with me: 

"If I love a book, I want it. I want it sitting there so I can pick it up and leaf through it and maybe just hold it."

I was like, I KNOW! My friends think I'm crazy and wasting money when I buy a book that I've already read, having borrowed it from the library. But they don't get it. It's just not the same if you go back and borrow the book again, or even own the e-book. When I love the book, I want to hold it in my hands, stroke its spine, gaze lovingly at the cover and know that it's right there on my bookshelf whenever I feel like revisiting a particularly lovely passage or listen to the voice of a particular character.

Which is why I own every Maggie Stiefvater and Sarah Dessen book ever written - and catching up with my Deb Caletti and Laini Taylor collections - even though I've read all their books before. (Let's hope my dad doesn't read this, or he'll launch into another rant about my book-buying habits and how my books are encroaching on my living space, which is ridiculous, because there is ALWAYS space for more books.)


Exactly.



As convenient and space-friendly e-books are, they're just NOT THE SAME as physical books. Imagine a not-so-distant future where browsing for books and reading reviews online has COMPLETELY taken over discovering new titles on your own in bookstores - where's the fun in that?

Also, Laini laments the dearth of letter-writing and worries that books are headed in that direction too.

"I am of the old guard, and I cannot embrace this new technology, not for what it is but for how it will change and demolish one of the institutions dearest to me in life. The world is barreling in this direction -- towards this shiny sci-fi future -- that lacks ... texture. Already our grandchildren will never find boxes of letters in our attics, bound with faded ribbon. We have killed letter-writing (some people can barely hand-write anymore, for any length of time; our hands don't have the muscles for writing with pens anymore!!), and we have killed music stores, and we're out to kill books too. It doesn't mean we won't still have stories; we will, in this there-but-not format, but to me, what we are losing is a very great thing. It has begun, and I think that in some places there are enough of us who love books and bookstores that the stores will continue, and publishers will keep printing books on paper for a while longer, hopefully a good long while, hopefully the rest of my life. But ... the rest of my daughter's life? And her children's lives?"

She is clearly a passionate bulwark of all things old-school, but it's nice to know there are people like her around who still love books and will continue buying them just because.


Friday, October 18, 2013

The kindest rejection letter for BLOOD PROMISE so far

Dear Joyce,

Thank you once again for sending BLOOD PROMISE to us to read. Clare Wallace and I have both really enjoyed it.

Sadly though, after some discussion we've had to come to the reluctant conclusion that we can’t offer to represent it at the moment. There are many good things about it but as it stands there are just a few missing elements that mean overall it isn't quite right for us.

I’m sorry that this is a disappointing outcome for you, but you should have an agent who is very passionate about your story and Clare just doesn't feel strongly enough about it as it is right now.

We really don’t want you to be too downhearted about this, though. The opening in particular is so strong and beautifully written and clearly demonstrates how much potential you have as a writer. The book overall has an engaging tone, your characters are appealing and the dialogue feels natural. And you have a really good instinct for keeping the chapters short and ending them on a note of intrigue, to keep the reader turning the page.

There were just a few small concerns that we identified. The writing doesn't always maintain that magic that it has in the opening chapters. In a way you've almost shot yourself in the foot with the strength of those chapters, as the reader’s expectation after that is so high.

There are occasional problems with the pace. While the dialogue is well-done (which isn’t an easy feat and one many established authors still sometimes struggle with, so you should congratulate yourself on that), there is too much of it at times. Perhaps cutting down on some of the talking and injecting more action would help to up the pace, particularly in the middle section.

And while the voice of April definitely has its own quirky feel – which is great - that differentiates it from that of Sean and Ian, the two boys are bit too similar at times. The voice in their chapters needs a little bit of work to keep them separate in the reader’s mind.

I hope that all of this makes sense. If you have any questions please feel free to come back to me. If you did decide to make some revisions based on these notes then Clare has said that she would be very happy to take another look at it. it goes without saying that if you produce any new work we would be delighted to consider it.

Otherwise, we very warmly wish you all the best in the future.

Jill

*

So here I am now, working on BLOOD PROMISE again like a girl on fire. You call it insanity, I call it renewed purpose.



At least I have slightly better luck than Snoopy!



Exactly.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Thursday evening ramblings

1. What happens when a writer interviews herself? Take a look. If the interview sounds completely neurotic to you, welcome to the mind of a brilliant writer like Joyce Carol Oates.


2.


Also known as:

Now that I no longer have exams to contend with in November, I'm more than ready for NaNoWriMo. This will be the first time I'm taking part in it, even though I've completed a novel in a month before (LAMBS FOR DINNER) just to see if I could do it. 

I originally planned to write INDIGO TIDES for NaNo, but it's just not coming along. I don't see the theme of the story, can't figure out my characters, and basically don't understand why I want to write this story other than create pretty prose. But a novel is so much more than just pointless purple prose (sorry, couldn't resist sticking an alliteration in there). I can't write a story without believing in it, or feeling strongly enough about it. It has to be a story I am consumed by, whether I'm awake or asleep, where scenes pop into my mind as I brush my teeth or getting dressed, and where characters converse in my head while I'm swimming laps in the pool or on my way to work, where I think about what they would say to the things I encounter every day.

Damon Salvatore (from THE VAMPIRE DIARIES) says it best: 

Yes, a love like that would be nice. But for now, a story like that would do. 

(On a sidenote, hurray for Season 5 of TVD! Something to look forward to every week again, along with SUPERNATURAL and THE ORIGINALS.)

And with a bit of luck, I woke up yesterday with a pretty much completed novel in my head and a ready-made title to go with it: NO ROOM IN NEVERLAND. Yes, it's the Peter Pan-inspired one I've been going on about for months. I have my characters, I have their motivations, dreams, fears and voices figured out, I have the climax for the three main acts planned, and the opening scene is just waiting for me to pound it out. Cause for the happy writer dance? I think so.

In case you need a reminder of the face that triggered my Peter Pan obsession, here it is:
 

(I admit, I might just be looking for a reason to post his pretty face here.)


3. YA writers, here's an update on the new trends in the YA market.

I'm glad contemporary YA is making a comeback. It's been a while since books like Sarah Dessen's have taken up a good part of the shelves, and I've been searching for a simple coming of age story in which the protagonist goes through a significant transformation and growth that is gratifying to the reader, preferably with a generous dash of romance. Contemporary YA has always been and will always be my first love. I remember the book that started it all: KEEPING THE MOON by Sarah Dessen. It was the first Dessen book I read and I've been a fan of her ever since. Shortly after came Deb Caletti and her book, WILD ROSES, which inspired my first standalone novel that I completed in 2008 (after working on it since 2005), WHEN THE LILIES TURN ORANGE. There are certain books that change your life and influence you and your writing, and these two happen to be of the contemporary YA genre. Which is why this genre will always be my true love, despite how much fun I'm having with urban fantasy now.

But even though I agree that we need more contemporary YA now, I find it a bit of a stretch to say that the time of YA fantasy is coming to an end. While it's true that the YA market is saturated with paranormal fiction of all things fanged, furry and/or winged, and that it's understandable for literary agents to get weary of such stories and crave something simple and authentic and grounded in reality, something that can resonate with them and the readers, I believe that a well-crafted story, regardless of its genre, will always have a place on the bookshelf. 

Perhaps the disillusionment with the fantasy genre stems from the done-to-death formulae: forbidden love between angel and human, pact between wolf packs, average human girl is introduced to the mysterious dangerous world of handsome paranormal boy. But writers like Maggie Stiefvater have broken from the norm and created versions of this genre with their personal stamp on them. And writers like Laini Taylor have gone beyond the regular run-of-the-mill fantasy story and brought the genre to whole new levels of awesomeness, with mind-boggling plots and perfect prose and pacing and complete character arcs.

Really, all we need is just a good mix of contemporary and fantasy. Personally, when I get tired of writing contemporary, I dabble with some urban fantasy. And when I feel like I can't take reading or writing another paranormal story, I go back to contemporary.

Maybe it's all about shaking things up and attempting the things that you've never tried before and that scares you. I think I'm terrible at writing from third-person POV, which is why it's the challenge I'm going to take on for INDIGO TIDES. For now, though, INDIGO is not the story I'm ready to tell. So I'm just sticking to my first love, what I know and love best, contemporary YA romance told from alternating first-person POVs.

Whatever genre we write in, as Joyce Carol Oates put it, "We write to create the books that we would like to read, that haven’t yet been written." Fantasy or contemporary, we write whatever is true to us, whatever moves us; we write the story that we believe in. A friend of mine asked me a couple of days ago where I find the patience to complete a novel and all I could say in response was, "If there's a story you strongly believe in that you want to share, you WILL find the patience for it no matter how much it torments you."

And maybe we all have a story like that in us. And we might just discover that this NaNoWriMo. Happy writing!


Monday, October 07, 2013

Short Story - Indigo Tides





Her magic clung to her like a disease she could not shake off. It rippled under her skin, icy and relentless. She knew it for what it was now – not a remnant of life she had forgotten, nor a swallowed star whose fire she could tap on, but a curse carried forth from the world she had pried herself free from.

In the years Amber had left part of herself behind, her magic had lain dormant inside her, gnawing at her mind, revealing a shadow of itself only in her dreams. Now that the sea had called her back, reclaimed her as its errant daughter, there was no way to deny anymore. She was a part of it as much as it was a part of her, a single tide that crested and dipped, albeit on new shores.

Her toes slipped an inch into the water, curling at the icy bite. On reflex, she took a step back, refraining from the familiar, urgent desire to give herself in. But there was no one here to stop her now. Hood was gone, and all she had left was Eylar’s words to fall back on.

It is not a life you want to return to, Amberlynn, he had told her. But it was the only one she could turn to now.

The water was a stormy shade of indigo; she had never realised how similar it was to the eyes she saw in her nightmares. With a sigh, waves swelled forward. She fought back a shudder at the touch of their cold, slippery fingers, then slid in completely.


*


The sea crashed around her, stealing the warmth from her skin. But within her, her magic surged and swelled like a kindled fire; the star went supernova, and she could feel a part of herself dying and reborn again, now in the skin she was always meant to be in, now rightly in her element. She gave in, at last, to the cold comfort of the sea, letting it wrap its silken arms around her.

But her nightmare only began when she opened her eyes.

The crimson blooms were thick and relentless, exploding all around her like a poppy field in spring. She couldn't see beyond the blood clouding her vision, although the taste hung tart in her mouth. The screams, however, rang loud and brash as a rusty bell.

It’s not real, she thought, and it was a mantra she turned over and over in her head –

– Until the fog of blood parted just enough for her to see a man diving in front of a woman before a spear, could strike her in the heart. It stabbed the man in the ribs instead, and he folded into a tight ball. The woman screamed, as did Amber.

“Daddy!” she cried, but the word only emerged as a muffled cry and air bubbles that rushed to the surface. She didn't question how she recognised the couple as her parents, or why she was sure her mother was the next to go, just charged through the water to reach their side.

Up close, she saw the dull gleam of their tails – her father’s a dark metallic grey and her mother’s emerald green – as they swished through the water further from her. She screamed for them again, but they couldn't seem to hear her.

Then almost as quickly as it came, the onslaught ended. Amber found herself alone again, back in still waters now back to its bruised blue-black shade. Inside, she was still spinning, her heart careening in her chest. It hadn't been a dream, she realised. It was reality. Her reality. Her parents hadn't died in a boating accident, despite what Hood had told her.

And she hadn't just left her family behind. Only sea children who belonged to the royal court had tails that shone bright as jewels, the silver of her father’s and the emerald of her mother’s. She had fled while the court was destroyed; she had deserted her people too.

Was that why Eylar had lied to her, told her she belonged to a humble village underwater instead? Should she even trust him anymore, now that she knew he was one of the winged people?

She had to go back – back to the city, back to the ruined kingdom she had abandoned.

Her body aflame with renewed purpose, she tore through the skin of the water, taking in her first breath in fifteen minutes.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

of prime numbers and little pleasures

So I turned 23 last week.

Not terribly old, but not young anymore either. It's that in-between number that makes you feel as though you are suspended in that space between a kid and an adult. But it's safe to say that I am no longer regarded as a wanton, brash (although I doubt I have ever been brash) teenager with the world dangling at your fingertips.

The truth hits even harder now that I've graduated from university. I've lost count of the number of times I've wished I could return to school. Passing by a secondary school this morning on the way to the pool, I saw students hanging around the staircase leading up to the doors, loitering around the courtyard, making their way to classes, some looking a little beleaguered but otherwise still cloistered in the certainty of their lives. No worries about jobs or money or promotion. Has it been SEVEN years since I was left secondary school? Kind of depressing to realise that you can't ever go back to those times. The world spins madly on as you keep looking back, and then you find yourself dragged forward.

As storm clouds loomed in the distance while I was in the middle of my morning swim, I got to thinking if I would regret anything if I were to die now. Yeah, I think about things like that sometimes. Welcome to my weird, macabre mind. And of course, there's much to regret. Because while I have lived more than two decades on this earth, I haven't really done a single thing to write home about, and while I do have plans to do what I've set out to do since I was thirteen (become a best-selling full-time author) I don't see any end in sight, no clue as to whether I'm ever going to succeed as a writer.

So, no: don't let me die yet. At least not until I've received an answer from the contests and literary agents I've shipped my manuscripts to. I haven't even collected the hard copies of the manuscripts I intend to send out for the Asian Scholastic Book Award contest from the print shop. Imagine if I died and the print shop called my cell to ask when I was going to collect the damn pile of paper sitting in their shop, the pile of manuscripts that were never going to be sent out or published or ever get an audience....

Okay, I did not mean for this to be such a morbid post.

*pulls head out of ass*

Let's start over:

So I turned 23 last week.

And I finally got my hands on this:



Had a good laugh over THIS. (Who knew Disney boasts such witty gems? They just don't make cartoons like they used to anymore.)


Saw this lovely view: 



Spent time with these people:


 


And *ahem* swooned over this:


Those eyes! That smile! Instant perk-me-up.


And, finally, listened to this:


Yup. Little pleasures in life. There's still much to be thankful for.