Saturday, March 28, 2009

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. ~ Anatole France.

Just had to start out this post with something cheesy but inspiring. So I've been querying more literary agents again - this time from the UK instead of the US - since I haven't heard a reply from the local agent/publisher I mentioned previously. Guess that's disinterest if I ever saw it. Sigh.

Been reading Kerouac's On the Road, which was basically what Supernatural was based on: two guys on a road trip through the dusty backroads of America. And can I just say that Dean Winchester's completely like Dean Moriarty from the book - the penchant for girls and booze, and the frivolous lifestyle. It's amazing. Kerouac's writing style is kinda like JD Salinger's, a lot of monologue, but it's okay, because the narrator's not speaking in a convoluted manner with lots of big words. I was sorry The Catcher in the Rye had to end so soon; Holden Caulfield is such an authentic character, sort of an anti-hero that you love despite his flaws. Like Dean Winchester. *wink* Of course, it doesn't hurt to have someone as hot as Jensen playing him. But I digress.

Went out with the gang the other night, and I guess it was watching the funny scenes from Gilmore Girls and Supernatural on YouTube that made me really high the whole night. The rest of them thought I was going nuts and planning my suicide the next day. Look who's being melodramatic now. Lol.

You know, just a random thought. I have really got to stop saying lol. I don't know why I should, but I just think I should. Okay, like I said, random.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Just got back from reading Kellynn's blog. She is SO DARN GOOD it makes me want to abandon writing altogether.
Yet another reason I'm a freak: I stayed up till 4am last night, just thinking and crying sporadically and spontaneously about 5-6 times throughout. I listened to the radio, and heard songs reminiscent of the past. 'Rhinestone Cowboy' is one of my dad's favourite songs, cause he likes Glenn Campbell. And then there was this Natalie Imbruglia song that reminded me of Sec 3. And then some other song that brought me back to when I was in primary school and dad and I went swimming every Sunday at River Valley Swimming Complex (it's closed now), and we'd go over to Daimaru for lunch and then the National Library later. He really spent a hell lot of time with me.

And I just started questioning myself if I was good enough for him. All my life, I've always wanted to be the daughter he always wanted. I'm sorry, this is shaping up to be a really sappy-ass post. But I guess self-doubt plagues you when the night is cold. He invested so much effort and time into me. He's really a simple guy. Not simple in the head, of course, but his dreams and hopes (OMG, major fucking cliche - sorry bout that!) are relatively simple enough. I'm not being big-headed or anything, but I really believe that what will make him happy is me doing well in life. I just wish I can give something back to him.

And then, as I mentioned, I was reminded of Sec 3 as well. So I started having these flashbacks of me, Ger, Jerm, YL and the whole gang in the caf, at our lockers, in Mrs Singh's Chemistry class (there was once when we totally slacked off at the back of the class when Mrs Singh wasn't around and Keith reliefed us), on the sofa in our homeroom. I wonder if they think I've changed; I know I must have. Somehow, I feel like I've let them down. It's strange. Friendship has never been on the top of my priority list, because I've always believed friends come and go from your life. I mean, I don't even keep in contact with my Sec 2 friends anymore, except Khrish (love you). The only constant is just always your family. Somehow, I just view friends as strangers you spend more time with. They don't know how you're really like, they can choose not to love you, they can choose to stop being your friend. Family - they're always there, by default, and they'll always love you; they'll never leave you. Maybe that's why I've been such a loner lately. Sometimes, it's just easier being alone. No conflicts, no consensus needed; just do your own thing. No need to worry about saying the wrong thing, or wanting to be alone, or offending people. I know I can't say these things to them, because they'll probably get mad at me (proves my previous point).

I guess the problem with me is that I'm too - I don't know - caught up in my own head? I'm the quintessential introvert; psychologists can probably base their own stereotype of introverts on me. So I tend to think a lot, and internalise my conversations. Things that people (like Gerlynn, maybe) might verbalise, I'll keep it stewing in my head. Guess that's why I don't contribute much to conversations. I'm just too worried about saying the wrong thing, too afraid to offend people.

I just wish I can be a better friend to them all. They're really sweet (and on a sidenote, thanks to YL who's been so understanding and concerned), and it's really a 'it's not you, it's me' case (lol).

I am SO rambling.

But yeah, this is why I kept crying last night. I just want to be the person everyone wants me to be, so that I won't fall short of their expectations - as a daughter, as a student, and as a friend. Sometimes, I think I already have.

Anyway, got this from a psychology book (I just felt it rang so true; it's almost scary):


* Loner Style: Loners drift, with little strong attachment to anyone.

Internal:
- Comfort is found in being solitary
- Rarely expresses anger
- Does not reveal him/herself easily
- Is harsh towards self
- Chooses hobbies and interests that allows him/her to be alone; eg. Math, computers, writing, etc
- Appears bland and cold, with little emotional activity

Interpersonal:
- Does not engage in the usual social smiles or nods
- Detached; does not want social relationships and lacks skill to deal with others
- Avoids emotional entanglements; very restricted emotionally
- Appears superficial or self-absorbed due to lack of interest in others (how many times have Ger called me selfish?)
- Few, if any, close friends; may be close to a member of the family
- Finds social closeness difficult, maybe even terrifying
- Other people are a source of pain, not comfort.

This, my good souls, is why I suck at one-on-ones, or appear taciturn over the phone.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009



Guess it's time to blog.






I don't know where to begin. Maybe making a list will be easier.






1. Okay, I'm obsessed with Supernatural at the moment, as you can probably tell from all the name-changing on Facebook and uploading of Jared&Jensen clips here. Can't friggin wait for Season 4's DVD. It's going to last only 5 seasons, which is a waste, because Eric Kripke is a genius and should keep writing some more. And because of Supernatural (best TV show on earth to date), I've recently been listening to something I don't really listen to normally: classic rock. Ie, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Kansas (head over to my playlist and check out the bottom of the list for the newest additions). I've got Eye of the Tiger and Carry on, My Wayward Son and Dead or Alive stuck in my head in auto-replay! So loving it.






2. Am at home working on my story now, Bedful of Moonlight. And I am friggin stuck. I don't know if it's a writer's block or just plain old cluelessness as to how the story should progress, but this sucks. I don't wish to abort this project. Maybe that's why I feeling kinda blah lately.






3. Another reason why I'm not so chipper at the moment is because I've queried probably close to EIGHTY effin literary agents so far, and none of them are interested. Jerm and Ger tell me it's cause of the recession and financial downturn (that's an understatement) that no agency is willing to pick up new writers. I guess. Still, it's so demoralising. I've queried this local publisher, Lance Ng, from Renaissance Publishing, but he hasn't replied. I just hope I'll get a positive response soon, or I'm just going to go nuts. I mean, 80 rejections slips. That's really sad. It's why I've been looking for competitions to enter so I can build up my resume. But overseas competitions need credit card payment of entry fees, and I don't have one. And Singapore isn't exactly bursting with a lot of opportunities for aspiring writers to break into the market.






Oh well. I guess no one ever said this will be easy. Still, I'll keep going. I've got it all planned out. I'm going to study English Language in NUS, and then apply for teaching for two years (or maybe not, depending on the economic climate when I graduate) and then move on to work in a magazine company, like Cleo or Seventeen, and I'll work my way up to editor. In the meantime, I'll keep doing what I love - creative writing - and sending them for competitions.






I don't think I'll go into journalism. As in, newsroom journalism. I can't stand that kinda writing. Feeding people with the bare facts isn't writing; it's reporting. You'd have to follow a certain format and lose whatever style you might call your own, and just tell people what they want to know. That sounds really ... boring. I mean, it's not for me, okay.






4. I don't really know what I'm living for right now. Like, I'm not being financially-productive, and writing my stories ... well, I'm stuck, what the hell can I do other than take a break from it? Watching Supernatural... It doesn't feel productive, know what I mean? So right now, I am WANDERING, man. I hate being so aimless. At least when I was studying, I had something to work towards.






Wtv. This sucks. Ima go listen to some Dead or Alive (Bon Jovi) right now. (And think of the Winchester boys butchering it - although Dean/Jensen is actually a pretty darn good singer.) Talk to you when I'm less zoned out.




Below: Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) and Jared Padalecki (Sam Winchester). I run with Dean, duh. Chiselled cheekbones, maculine jaw, smouldering gaze, deep sexy voice, strong muscled back, badass/tongue-in-cheek attitude (as Dean, that is), but shy and humble in real life. Seriously, it's no competition. Jensen Ackles is HOTTTT, and such a talented actor. Although Sam/Jared does have a cute smile (see picture on the right).



Monday, March 09, 2009

The Perfect 10:
1. Character is everything - make people want to spend time with them.
2. Get the story going - hit the ground running.
3. Medium and format - choose the right form for your story - whether it be radio, tv, film or theatre.
4. Coherence - know your world and story. Authenticity is key.
5. Emotion - make sure your stories matter on a human level.
6. Surprise - cliches kill a story!
7. Structure is key - start at the right place, and make sure you keep the energy up for the ending.
8. Exposition and expression - exposition is the biggest problem they have!
9. Passion - does it get under your skin?
10. Be yourself - have an original, distinct voice.

From http://missread.blogspot.com/search/label/Writersroom

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I must have accumulated up to FIFTY rejection slips from literary agents around the world by now. This is seriously depressing. I just want someone to be interested in my story, to believe in it the way I do, to be interested in representing me. Is that so hard? Sigh. I guess it's because nobody wants to represent a writer without any credentials. I haven't won any nationwide writing competitions, or published anything in magazines or papers... Maybe that's the reason for my less-than-desired responses.

I've sent my query letter for Lilies to Renaissance Publishing, this guy called Lance Ng, along with the first three chapters of my manuscript. Hope his response will be positive. If not I might really have to try self-publishing.

And self-publishing is a real headache. Because you're basically doing EVERYTHING yourself. All the negotiations, finding the best value for your money, looking for a willing editor (right now, I can't even find someone who's willing to READ my story), printing, cover-designing (and goodness knows I can't design anything for nuts), along with other stuff. Not only that, it'll all cost a friggin bomb.

This is the advice given on renaissance.sg (this publishing company in Singapore):


How to Self-Publish Your Book Without Spending a Single Cent:
* Find someone to help you edit the book for free. A manuscript MUST be edited by an independent party. It is near to impossible to edit your own work well! Any author can read their own books ten times and still miss out errors. The human brain is simply wired to anticipate patterns based on familiarities. To hire a professional editor, a novel length book will likely cost you well over a thousand dollars. It is, after all, a tedious job and requires some proper training. You can do this for free by getting your family and friends to edit it. Top of the list should be people you know who have experience as writers, publishers, editors, proofreaders etc. People with degree majors in English, Literature, Journalism, Mass Communications, or Law are also good choices. Try not to compromise in this area. There’s nothing more irritating to a reader than mistakes in a book and it spoils the flow and turns them off. It also resembles too much of a cheap self-published title for readers to recommend to others.


* Get an ISBN number (whatever that is) if it is not included in the overall price of the POD publisher’s package. The ISBN number is your book’s registration number similar to a car’s registration. It is also used by bookstores in the barcodes to track inventory and order your book. (see "How to get an ISBN and barcode") This may cost you a few dollars but if you are determine to spend nothing, you can still sell e-books with your own website or some third-party sites (like e-bay) without having an ISBN.

* Design your own cover. Some online publisher’s provide cover design tools for free as part of the uploading process. The covers won't look great but at least it's free.You can attempt to design your own if you are proficient with software like Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator or InDesign. Many internet websites offer free stock pictures or graphics you can download and use. Be sure to check their licensing policies first. Designing book covers require appropriate software and technical knowledge on printing requirements. If you don’t know how you can also source for freelancers or design students who are willing to do it for free by crediting them in the book and giving them some free copies for their portfolio.

* Search the Internet for POD and e-book publishers and research their offerings to determine which one is right for you. BookSurge, Lulu and iUniverse are the largest companies providing self-publishing and each offers various services. Lulu is a free service and you can choose to pay for your ISBN number, promotional package and the printing price of each book ordered. For more choices, check out this website: An Incomplete Guide to Print on Demand Publishers . You can also try free online e-shop sites like Createspace.com and Cafepress.com

* Prepare your manuscript and cover files in the right format. Some publishers require the manuscript to be in Adobe PDF format. I recommend Primo PDF which you can download and install for free. Others require a simple word document. Read the requirements online carefully first. You can always ask friends for a favour and use their computers with the right software if you don’t have it.

* Follow the instructions online carefully and check your book after uploading to make sure it turns out right. Order a copy yourself to see how it looks like for a customer who purchases it. If you’re really hard up for cash, get your family or friends to order a copy and have a look at how it turned out.

* Promote your book by setting up free websites or blogs where you can spread awareness, gather a fan base, or post excerpts. Circulate emails to your friends. Join the numerous writers’ groups and forums online, post notices, and build up a support network. You can also request for author talks in public libraries and bookstores. (That was how Christopher Paolini did it with “Eragon” at the age of 16!)

Tips & Warnings
Different online publishers have different royalty and fees, as well as terms and conditions over distribution rights. MAKE sure you read their policies carefully.


Stick to the large and well known ones. There are many dodgy folks out there prying on dreamy aspiring writers who are to eager to see their works published!

Never order a large number of books until you have proof read the first copy.

Don’t expect your book to start sell by itself. The most difficult aspect of the book business is marketing!

Also,

Finding a literary agent and getting published by a publisher is a very long and painstaking process for most aspiring authors. From the time you complete your manuscript, expect it to take a year or more before you finally land a publishing deal. It might take another year or so for the book to go to print while the publisher edits and prepares your book for publication. Most big publishers also have a long pipeline of books waiting to be released into the market and you'll have to get in queue even if your book is accepted. Add some more months while the book goes from printer to distributor to finally being placed on bookshelves in stores, most first time authors find that it is years before they see their book finally being sold. That is, if you manage to land a publishing deal in the first place. Trying to be a published author is like trying to be an actor; hundreds of thousands aspire but only a few make it.

My dad was right.

Still, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and make it. I'll be one of the few, or die trying.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Tuesday today. In three days time, I'll be waiting to receive my - omfg - A' Level results. Sorry to start off this post with such doom and gloom. Just need to get it out of the way before getting started on the nicer stuff. All I can say is, if I don't get AAB for my H2s, A for my GP and at least pass my H1, I am most certainly screwed.

Alright. Shall stop thinking about it; shall talk about something else. I'm postponing thinking about results until Friday itself.

So for the past couple of weekends, I've been working at the voucher-redemption counter at the Men's Department in Isetan Scotts, opposite Fred Perry (which has now become hotter and hotter to me the more I look at it) and Agnes B (which still hasn't and still looks gay, I'm sorry). I have frigging fallen in love with this bag at Fred Perry. But it's $699. I'm sorry, hot or not, I feel that no bag is worth that much.

For the first week, there was this Hot Holidays Happenings sale, where Isetan vouchers could be redeemed if members used their Isetan Privilege Card. And an additional 10% rebate on every $100 spent on golf items using your HSBC card. It's a promotion for the HSBC Women's Championship, after all. And Jazlyn and I have to help those rich-ass people redeem their vouchers. And let me just say that some of these people are seriously rich. They can spend up to $17,000 on a SINGLE receipt (goodness only knows what they could possibly have bought that amounted to that much), and come back again the next week with more supposed steals.

It can be boring at work, especially because the job is pretty darn easy (just sitting there waiting for people to come redeem their vouchers and recording their receipt numbers, etc), and I've heard the CD repeat itself over and over again. Now, 'Burnin Up' by the ever-annoying JoBros, 'So What' by Pink and (my favourite on the CD) 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift all remind me of work.

At least I have Jazlyn. I swear I have never talked so much to someone in my life. It came to the point where I was almost getting sick of my own voice. Goodness knows how SHE feels. Haha.

So we got past the initial awkwardness and thought, oh what the hell, if we're going to be stuck there with each other for nine days, eleven hours a day, we might as well do the thing we girls know best - talking. I wouldn't call it gossiping, really, because we talk about books and boys and movies and songs and school and prom and JENSEN ACKLES (okay, that comes under boys)...

So now, Jazlyn's the only one who knows the most about all the stories I have ever written. And not only that, she discussed the routes my current story, Bedful of Moonlight, can possibly take. So we spent hours brainstorming and me narrating my story and she listening. If you're reading this, Jazlyn, I just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to you. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about my babies, thank you for asking me so many questions about my characters, thank you for throwing out suggestions and ideas and being frank with me about your view on my stories without being too offensive (it must be a skill). IF I ever get published, you'll be top on my acknowledgements list.

Raining now. Gotta wait till later to swim, so I'm watching my Supernatural Season 3 DVD right now (WHEEE!), marvelling the HOTNESS that is Sam&Dean (but Dean's still hotter, even though Sam has a cute smile).

Oh, and Kris from the Amazing Race is EFFIN HOTNESS. Seriously, they had to load up like super-heavy stuff onto a cart in Romania in yesterday's episode, and I totally got to see those arm muscles, not to mention the shoulder muscles too through that dark blue t-shirt he had on. YUM MAJOR. Amanda (his gf of three years) is one lucky girl. She reminds me of Hayden Panettiere, seriously, all blonde and perky and sunshiney. Very pretty. That might be why they're the team I'm rooting for, apart from Tammy and Victor (even though Victor's a real annoying chauvinist).

And Kris Allen from this season's American Idol got through to the Top 12! Woohoo! Krises of the world rock! Kris is so chill and modest, even though he's pretty darn talented. I mean, who can perform so well with a Michael Jackson song? Some other guy did it and he got voted out. It's not easy, man. And Kris nailed it. My dad also likes Adam Lambert. I'm okay with him, except his stupid punk look. His vocal range is INSANE, but he needs to remove that eyeliner and straighten up his lame-ass hair and stop wearing all that black and leather. He can actually be kinda cute. And Randy, HE DOES NOT HAVE ROBERT PATTINSON IN HIM. Rob's brand of singing is SO UNLIKE Adam's, come on. You're just saying that to get the girls crazy (and they DID go crazy).

Anyway. I've had my nuts for this morning (YUM), and now I'm going back to my Supernatural.

Btw, I'm going to start promoting my stories on this blog. So maybe I should learn from that guy who appeared in the papers the other day, who paid each person $2 - $5 for getting the word out. He's published like 4000 books so far. It's not much, but it's a start. Anyone know anything about all this PR stuff?

But then again, no one will be interested in helping. Just look at the response to my story so far, right?

Whatever. Supernatural now.