It's taken me a while, but I have finally figured out what I want most in terms of a career.

Well, okay, maybe not the ultimate MOST. My dream job is still a full-time novelist, but if I can't have that then the next best job is a magazine columnist.

It was something I've considered since junior college, but right then it was still a dream I didn't dare to expand on. Besides, I was too hellbent on writing fiction for a living. Yeah, I was living in a world of my own then. But with graduation looming and the pressure to FIND A JOB ALREADY, I've had to consider other options. A lot of those I could care a lot less about. It seems I'm either obsessed with something or I can't give a shit. Probably not the best attitude to have, but it is what it is.

But this is what I really want. A magazine columnist at CLEO, or Cosmopolitan. Attending events, reviewing beauty products, keeping up with fashion trends, networking, and then writing about them. Having a life, and writing about it.

It's still kinda rose-tinted at the moment. I know the job and industry aren't all glitz and glam, but I do know that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get a foot in the doorway. And then whatever else it takes to secure the job. THE job. The one I've set my sight on, after a long time of consideration and procrastination.

To say that I screwed up my internship interview last Friday is probably an understatement. I felt like such a socially inept, fumbling CHILD, even though my interviewer was only two years older than me. Her businesslike manner only made me even more nervous. I felt like a desperate, grovelling kid wanting in on the In Crowd in high school. Not cool.

Just let me get this. It's all I ever want.