Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Self-doubt plagued me again today. Is this how it's going to be like, that I would need constant daily motivation to get off my diet and eradicate my fallible notion of being skinny? I riffled through some health magazines and all that at the library today, and it's like, I'm just about the same physique as those models in there! So what's wrong with that? Okay, maybe they're taller than I am, but shape-wise, we're about the same. So if they're in these health magazines, shouldn't they then be the model of perfection; shouldn't we strive to achieve that kind of body? With my diet, I look like them. What if I'm without it? Will I become fat again?

Dad was on my case again last evening. I was working on my homework, and I could feel his stare burning on my skin. Finally he said, "I feel scared when I look at you. I don't know what happened to you, or what you've done to yourself, but you're so skinny you look like those girls who throw up after every meal."

Oh wouldn't you like to know, dad.

Then he shook his head and said, "What do you eat in school? - Do you eat?"

"Yeah, I DO eat."

"I know you do - but what DO you eat?"

"Oh, you know, the usual, mixed veg rice, noodles...."

Anyway, had range training today. Blah. I was so wiped out - and I don't know why - and my body was aching all over (lunges and side-bridge during gym were absolute killers!) - my thighs, my shoulders, my arms.... Couldn't muster much strength to make my balls go maximum distance. Had to rest just after an hour. What a loser.

I had a cheese-stick and ham bun from Breadtalk for breakfast this morning, and lunch was a plate of wanton noodles dry. Felt supremely guilty after that, even though I was starving before I ate the noodles. Shouldn't have taken in so much carbo. But it's okay, since I think I burnt it off with my run in the gym afterwards.

Am pretty pleased with my timing (14.05mins for 2.4km at 10km/h, and 17mins for 2.8km, followed by a cool-down brisk-walk of 0.6km at 6.5km/h). Yep. Another 18-hole game tomorrow. Hope I play well. Am going to play in M'sia with daddy next Monday. The rest of them came back (I didn't go on Tuesday) completely shacked. None of us felt up to playing today.

Btw, who's free to watch Enchanted or Hero? James Marsden is HAWT; even Jas said so :)

Stuff I'm dying to eat:

1. Braised duck rice.

2. Pizza.

3. Curry puff.

4. Chicken teriyaki don.

5. Hokkien mee.

6. Char kway teow.

7. Chicken briyani from SAJC.

If I could care less about weight and fats and calories and all that crap, I'd inhale all this.

Too bad I care. I care too much, people say.

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