Toy Commercial Fail

This quote cracks me up: Blogging - Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few. You realise it's kinda true too.

And I shall reinforce that idea by coming up with a random list. Because not only am I feeling guilty for not blogging for such a long time, I am also... Okay, wait. I'm coming up with this list only because I'm feeling guilty. Makes you wonder about the point of keeping a blog, doesn't it?

Anyway,

1. I need a haircut. Or at least thin my hair. This crazy-hot weather is forcing me to pull my hair into a ponytail all the time, and keeping my hair up makes my face look round/fat/wtv.
2. Why am I wasting my time talking about my hair when I'm supposed to be working on my story?
3. There's nothing good on TiVo today. CSI and Bones are boring. I'm just so not a forensics/murder-mystery person.
4. I prefer Adam Lambert with his Elvis hairstyle. That spiky punk-rocker look is so two minutes ago.
5. Why are we here? What are we here for? To get a graduate degree so we can spend our time cooped up in a cubicle and wear boring pencil skirts and heels from 9am to 6pm every weekday, just to earn a few thousand dollars ... for what? Bags? Shoes? A flat-screen? And then what? Find a partner, create a family, sink into a humdrum existence and do the same things you've been doing your whole life, only now you have more people around you demanding for the things you initially thought you wanted?
6. What I need right now is a nice bowl of cereal/muesli with milk and oatmeal. Yum.
7. No, actually, what I need right now is for one of the 'interested' agents to give me a positive response to my manuscript.
8. I hope I get to work at the Customer Service level (level 5) at Isetan for the IPC job. Because that level always looks so pretty, with the children's clothings and housewares.
9. Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid has to be the hottest prince out of all the Disney princes. I was just watching that show again this morning, over my bowl of cereal. Mm, that inky dark hair, and that firm body, that white shirt that not only contrasts with his hair but also shows off his taut chest...
10. Ariel has to be the dumbest princess of all the Disney princesses. You say you're in love, girl? You do realise all it took was a glance at him and you thought he was beautiful, don't you? Honey, I don't think that's called love. It's infatuation. Even I know that. But then again, you're 16.
11. Is Lucas a nicer name than Jacob?
12. I need song recommendation - I am quite tired of my playlist. Don't get me wrong, Iron and Wine and AC/DC are great, but there's only so many times you can stomach California by Phantom Planet, or Starry Starry Night by Don McLean.
13. Why does Melinda Clarke always play those slutty roles? The Siren from Charmed and Julie Cooper Nichols from The OC. Just a random thought.
14. The Reaper is my new addiction. It's about this guy whose parents sold his soul to the Devil when he was born and now he has to be the Devil's bounty hunter to bring escaped souls back to hell. I'm all for the frat-boy humour and uproarious dialogue. But I don't think Bret Harrison is all that cute, really. Plus, his voice keeps breaking. It's like he's stuck at 12 years old or something.
15. I always thought Aurora was the prettiest Disney princess (why am I back on this subject?), with her pretty face, long blonde locks tumbling down her back, and that chic grey dress.
16. But the best Disney cartoon has to be Pocahontas. I love the messages it sends out - interracial romance, the futility of coporate greed against what really matters (You can own the Earth and still/ All you'll own is earth until/ You can paint with all the colours of the wind). Plus, the romance is believable, and the dialogue schweeeet:
Pocahontas - It would've been better if we never met. None of this would've happened.
John Smith - Pocahontas, look at me. I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.
Pocahontas - I can't leave you.
John Smith - You never will. No matter what happens to me, I'll always be with you, forever.
That is so my favourite part out of every Disney movie ever made.
17. I don't have anything against Lil Rounds apart from the fact that she makes my ears bleed everytime she sings.
18. Allison Irahyeta's Don't Speak by No Doubt was horribly off-key when she got to the chorus. She's just not good enough.
19. I miss SAJC. Good times.
20. Yoga sounds boring. Besides, who wants to be stuck in a steam-room with other sweating people for two hours? But I have to say, most people who do yoga have toned butts. But then again, you can get a toned butt from swimming, walking, running... Wait, running makes your thighs and calves big. Oh well. Nothing beats swimming.

You know, I think that quote is right about the fact that we bloggers have pretty little to say. Okay, this blogger, at least. What you just read is a rather - rather? try very - self-indulgent drivel about everything and nothing in my life. Thank you for your time, but then again, if you've come all the way here, you must have had a lot of time to spare in the first place. So thank you for thinking of my blog when you needed something to burn away those extra minutes you didn't know what to do with. Have a good day.

I guess I've gone long enough without an update.



So here is some good news. For me, at least. About three - or is it four? - agents have asked to look at my manuscript because my query interested them. I'm not getting my hopes up yet, of course. So many agents have expressed interest initially before realising that my writing style was not 'the best fit' for them.



The waiting bit is the part I can't stand. We're expected to give the agents about 4-6 weeks for them to read our manscripts, see. And only a week has passed since I last sent out my manuscript. *FINGERS CROSSED*



On another note, Bedful of Moonlight is taking shape! That's good news, because I'd been on a hiatus from it (about three weeks maybe?) and writing short stories in the meantime. What can I say. The well runs dry sometimes, and I could think of nothing to get my story moving along. But those swimming sessions are strangely therapeutic. When you get lost in your thoughts, you hardly even notice you're swimming. It's funny.



I'm not revealing anything yet, but let's just say that Caleb's family becomes a lot more complicated than before.



And I've decided. After Bedful of Moonlight, I'm going to write one last story that takes place in the estate of Wroughton. I'll call it the Wroughton Series, where three unrelated stories (with the exception of a few cameos) take place there. And then, depending on if I have anymore stories I can tell that takes place in there, I'll probably move on to other stuff. Another story, another setting.



Also, I'm taking part in the Golden Point Award 2009, organised by SPH and NAC. It costs 16 bucks to take part in it. I just hope it'll be worth my money, and time, and effort, and ink, and paper.



Updates sound so boring. I prefer internal monologues, or verbal vomit (as I prefer to call it), don't you?



Oh by the way, I've picked out my books to exchange on the 25th. I just riffed through my cartons and cartons of old books yesterday (dust bunnies everywhere, jeez) and unearthed all those books from so many years ago that I even forgot I had. Tales from Fairyland? Mr Meddle's Mischief? Snowball the Pony? Seven O'Clock Tales? Those are classic, man. Enid Blyton was such a huge part of my childhood. You're high if you think I'm giving them away.



I am, however, going to give away some Picoult and some Charmed. (Okay, wait, on second thoughts, I don't think I'll give them away after all - come on, you don't expect me to give them all away, even though I don't read them now! They symbolise a milestone in my life.) And Can You Keep A Secret, and The Au Pairs, and The Bergdorf Blondes (the dumbest book I have ever read - no offence, Plum Sykes), and The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole or something like that (you know, the diaries of some British teenage boy who keeps measuring his dick and obsesses about his girlfriend's tits? Dude, talk about boring. I so do not want to know what the hell a guy thinks about his body and everybody else's. But to be fair, this was the only book in the series I've actually ever read, so he mightn't have been so obsessive anymore), and some Sabrina the Teenage Witch (okay, STOP laughing) and The OC (I know I was in love with it when I was fifteen or so, but oh well, guess it was just another phase).



Swimming now, sweethearts. TTYL :) But before I leave, here's some hotness for the day.

Hot Views - Confessions of a Shopaholic

Frustration is an unbearable feeling. And I'm feeling a lot of that lately. It's not just because no literary agent is showing interest in my work; it's because none of the people I know are willing to read my work. No one - no one - is interested in When the Lilies Turn Orange at all. No one's going, "Omg, I absolutely love the characters you created and I especially love this scene where (insert scene)..." Everyone's just telling me to keep going at it and that my story's fine. Fine is not a critique. It is hardly even an opinion at all. Worse, it might even mean that they didn't bother to read it, so this word is all they can offer to get me off their backs.

I don't understand. Why isn't anyone interested at all? Does my story really suck that much? My worth as a writer has been shot to shit. If I can't even get my friends and family to support it, who else can I get? Those published writers, they all seem to have members of their family or friends who are such devout fans of their books, so much so that they read every draft, and go into long, in-depth discussions as to how to bring the book further. That is true dedication, that is true interest and fandom. People whom I had expected would read my story and get excited about it - at least relate to the characters - aren't. I'm not demanding them to go around promoting my book, but somehow I can't help but feel this sense of disappointment, you know?

I was just listening to Runaway World by Making April, and the song brought me back to that glorious period just after A's and I kept going to Toa Payoh stadium to run/walk and then the library later to do research for/work on my story. The magic is still in that song. It was so much fun working on Lilies; it gave me such joy to be thinking of how I should move the story forward, or make the characters interact, or reveal something each chapter bit by bit until the end, or finally tie everything up at the end.

I remember the almost-debilitating sense of loss that had settled upon me as I edited the last page of the very first stand-alone novel I'd completed (previous attempts don't count - they're more like trial runs to me, since none of them were ever as solidly close to me like Lilies was). I miss playing Runaway World repeatedly when I needed to write a scene between Connell and Raven, and I miss working on Lilies altogether. I put so much of myself into that story.

Want to know why?

Because I had fallen in love with it. It may sound conceited, what I've just said. But I'm sure every writer is in love with their stories, especially if they've seen it all the way to the end. Why else would they believe in it so much as to go to all the trouble of looking for an agent, going through all the editing process and promotional events? They believe in the story they had to tell, the story they had worked hard to tell for the past year or so, just like I believe in mine. Lilies has become part of my life; it stands for a period of time in my life that I truly enjoyed. Writing a novel, you see, is like what child birth is reputed to be like: you forget all the pain - the frustration, the writer's blocks, the days you doubt yourself - once it's over. After the novel's complete and edited, it's your baby, a piece of you and you'd do anything to see it do well.

That's why it pains me so much now that no-one believes in my baby the way I do. Will it have to come to the point where I'd have to pay people to read my story? That would be a tragedy.

All this angst kind of makes me wonder if passion for something is enough to take you where you want to be.

Frustration.

WHY WON'T ANYBODY READ MY DAMN STORY.

WHY WON'T ANY AGENT GIVE ME A POSITIVE RESPONSE.

Fuck it all.

I need some Aladdin to pull me out of this rut.

Once Upon a December

A Whole New World

Colors of the Wind

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. ~ Anatole France.

Just had to start out this post with something cheesy but inspiring. So I've been querying more literary agents again - this time from the UK instead of the US - since I haven't heard a reply from the local agent/publisher I mentioned previously. Guess that's disinterest if I ever saw it. Sigh.

Been reading Kerouac's On the Road, which was basically what Supernatural was based on: two guys on a road trip through the dusty backroads of America. And can I just say that Dean Winchester's completely like Dean Moriarty from the book - the penchant for girls and booze, and the frivolous lifestyle. It's amazing. Kerouac's writing style is kinda like JD Salinger's, a lot of monologue, but it's okay, because the narrator's not speaking in a convoluted manner with lots of big words. I was sorry The Catcher in the Rye had to end so soon; Holden Caulfield is such an authentic character, sort of an anti-hero that you love despite his flaws. Like Dean Winchester. *wink* Of course, it doesn't hurt to have someone as hot as Jensen playing him. But I digress.

Went out with the gang the other night, and I guess it was watching the funny scenes from Gilmore Girls and Supernatural on YouTube that made me really high the whole night. The rest of them thought I was going nuts and planning my suicide the next day. Look who's being melodramatic now. Lol.

You know, just a random thought. I have really got to stop saying lol. I don't know why I should, but I just think I should. Okay, like I said, random.

Dean-isms :)

Just got back from reading Kellynn's blog. She is SO DARN GOOD it makes me want to abandon writing altogether.

Yet another reason I'm a freak: I stayed up till 4am last night, just thinking and crying sporadically and spontaneously about 5-6 times throughout. I listened to the radio, and heard songs reminiscent of the past. 'Rhinestone Cowboy' is one of my dad's favourite songs, cause he likes Glenn Campbell. And then there was this Natalie Imbruglia song that reminded me of Sec 3. And then some other song that brought me back to when I was in primary school and dad and I went swimming every Sunday at River Valley Swimming Complex (it's closed now), and we'd go over to Daimaru for lunch and then the National Library later. He really spent a hell lot of time with me.

And I just started questioning myself if I was good enough for him. All my life, I've always wanted to be the daughter he always wanted. I'm sorry, this is shaping up to be a really sappy-ass post. But I guess self-doubt plagues you when the night is cold. He invested so much effort and time into me. He's really a simple guy. Not simple in the head, of course, but his dreams and hopes (OMG, major fucking cliche - sorry bout that!) are relatively simple enough. I'm not being big-headed or anything, but I really believe that what will make him happy is me doing well in life. I just wish I can give something back to him.

And then, as I mentioned, I was reminded of Sec 3 as well. So I started having these flashbacks of me, Ger, Jerm, YL and the whole gang in the caf, at our lockers, in Mrs Singh's Chemistry class (there was once when we totally slacked off at the back of the class when Mrs Singh wasn't around and Keith reliefed us), on the sofa in our homeroom. I wonder if they think I've changed; I know I must have. Somehow, I feel like I've let them down. It's strange. Friendship has never been on the top of my priority list, because I've always believed friends come and go from your life. I mean, I don't even keep in contact with my Sec 2 friends anymore, except Khrish (love you). The only constant is just always your family. Somehow, I just view friends as strangers you spend more time with. They don't know how you're really like, they can choose not to love you, they can choose to stop being your friend. Family - they're always there, by default, and they'll always love you; they'll never leave you. Maybe that's why I've been such a loner lately. Sometimes, it's just easier being alone. No conflicts, no consensus needed; just do your own thing. No need to worry about saying the wrong thing, or wanting to be alone, or offending people. I know I can't say these things to them, because they'll probably get mad at me (proves my previous point).

I guess the problem with me is that I'm too - I don't know - caught up in my own head? I'm the quintessential introvert; psychologists can probably base their own stereotype of introverts on me. So I tend to think a lot, and internalise my conversations. Things that people (like Gerlynn, maybe) might verbalise, I'll keep it stewing in my head. Guess that's why I don't contribute much to conversations. I'm just too worried about saying the wrong thing, too afraid to offend people.

I just wish I can be a better friend to them all. They're really sweet (and on a sidenote, thanks to YL who's been so understanding and concerned), and it's really a 'it's not you, it's me' case (lol).

I am SO rambling.

But yeah, this is why I kept crying last night. I just want to be the person everyone wants me to be, so that I won't fall short of their expectations - as a daughter, as a student, and as a friend. Sometimes, I think I already have.

Anyway, got this from a psychology book (I just felt it rang so true; it's almost scary):


* Loner Style: Loners drift, with little strong attachment to anyone.

Internal:
- Comfort is found in being solitary
- Rarely expresses anger
- Does not reveal him/herself easily
- Is harsh towards self
- Chooses hobbies and interests that allows him/her to be alone; eg. Math, computers, writing, etc
- Appears bland and cold, with little emotional activity

Interpersonal:
- Does not engage in the usual social smiles or nods
- Detached; does not want social relationships and lacks skill to deal with others
- Avoids emotional entanglements; very restricted emotionally
- Appears superficial or self-absorbed due to lack of interest in others (how many times have Ger called me selfish?)
- Few, if any, close friends; may be close to a member of the family
- Finds social closeness difficult, maybe even terrifying
- Other people are a source of pain, not comfort.

This, my good souls, is why I suck at one-on-ones, or appear taciturn over the phone.

Jensen Ackles - Romantic Scene from Smallville

Guess it's time to blog.

I don't know where to begin. Maybe making a list will be easier.

1. Okay, I'm obsessed with Supernatural at the moment, as you can probably tell from all the name-changing on Facebook and uploading of Jared&Jensen clips here. Can't friggin wait for Season 4's DVD. It's going to last only 5 seasons, which is a waste, because Eric Kripke is a genius and should keep writing some more. And because of Supernatural (best TV show on earth to date), I've recently been listening to something I don't really listen to normally: classic rock. Ie, Metallica, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, AC/DC, Kansas (head over to my playlist and check out the bottom of the list for the newest additions). I've got Eye of the Tiger and Carry on, My Wayward Son and Dead or Alive stuck in my head in auto-replay! So loving it.

2. Am at home working on my story now, Bedful of Moonlight. And I am friggin stuck. I don't know if it's a writer's block or just plain old cluelessness as to how the story should progress, but this sucks. I don't wish to abort this project. Maybe that's why I feeling kinda blah lately.

3. Another reason why I'm not so chipper at the moment is because I've queried probably close to EIGHTY effin literary agents so far, and none of them are interested. Jerm and Ger tell me it's cause of the recession and financial downturn (that's an understatement) that no agency is willing to pick up new writers. I guess. Still, it's so demoralising. I've queried this local publisher, Lance Ng, from Renaissance Publishing, but he hasn't replied. I just hope I'll get a positive response soon, or I'm just going to go nuts. I mean, 80 rejections slips. That's really sad. It's why I've been looking for competitions to enter so I can build up my resume. But overseas competitions need credit card payment of entry fees, and I don't have one. And Singapore isn't exactly bursting with a lot of opportunities for aspiring writers to break into the market.

Oh well. I guess no one ever said this will be easy. Still, I'll keep going. I've got it all planned out. I'm going to study English Language in NUS, and then apply for teaching for two years (or maybe not, depending on the economic climate when I graduate) and then move on to work in a magazine company, like Cleo or Seventeen, and I'll work my way up to editor. In the meantime, I'll keep doing what I love - creative writing - and sending them for competitions.

I don't think I'll go into journalism. As in, newsroom journalism. I can't stand that kinda writing. Feeding people with the bare facts isn't writing; it's reporting. You'd have to follow a certain format and lose whatever style you might call your own, and just tell people what they want to know. That sounds really ... boring. I mean, it's not for me, okay.

4. I don't really know what I'm living for right now. Like, I'm not being financially-productive, and writing my stories ... well, I'm stuck, what the hell can I do other than take a break from it? Watching Supernatural... It doesn't feel productive, know what I mean? So right now, I am WANDERING, man. I hate being so aimless. At least when I was studying, I had something to work towards.

Wtv. This sucks. Ima go listen to some Dead or Alive (Bon Jovi) right now. (And think of the Winchester boys butchering it - although Dean/Jensen is actually a pretty darn good singer.) Talk to you when I'm less zoned out.

Below: Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) and Jared Padalecki (Sam Winchester). I run with Dean, duh. Chiselled cheekbones, maculine jaw, smouldering gaze, deep sexy voice, strong muscled back, badass/tongue-in-cheek attitude (as Dean, that is), but shy and humble in real life. Seriously, it's no competition. Jensen Ackles is HOTTTT, and such a talented actor. Although Sam/Jared does have a cute smile (see picture on the right).

Supernatural // Eye Of The Tiger (Full Clip)

The Perfect 10:
1. Character is everything - make people want to spend time with them.
2. Get the story going - hit the ground running.
3. Medium and format - choose the right form for your story - whether it be radio, tv, film or theatre.
4. Coherence - know your world and story. Authenticity is key.
5. Emotion - make sure your stories matter on a human level.
6. Surprise - cliches kill a story!
7. Structure is key - start at the right place, and make sure you keep the energy up for the ending.
8. Exposition and expression - exposition is the biggest problem they have!
9. Passion - does it get under your skin?
10. Be yourself - have an original, distinct voice.

From http://missread.blogspot.com/search/label/Writersroom

I must have accumulated up to FIFTY rejection slips from literary agents around the world by now. This is seriously depressing. I just want someone to be interested in my story, to believe in it the way I do, to be interested in representing me. Is that so hard? Sigh. I guess it's because nobody wants to represent a writer without any credentials. I haven't won any nationwide writing competitions, or published anything in magazines or papers... Maybe that's the reason for my less-than-desired responses.

I've sent my query letter for Lilies to Renaissance Publishing, this guy called Lance Ng, along with the first three chapters of my manuscript. Hope his response will be positive. If not I might really have to try self-publishing.

And self-publishing is a real headache. Because you're basically doing EVERYTHING yourself. All the negotiations, finding the best value for your money, looking for a willing editor (right now, I can't even find someone who's willing to READ my story), printing, cover-designing (and goodness knows I can't design anything for nuts), along with other stuff. Not only that, it'll all cost a friggin bomb.

This is the advice given on renaissance.sg (this publishing company in Singapore):


How to Self-Publish Your Book Without Spending a Single Cent:
* Find someone to help you edit the book for free. A manuscript MUST be edited by an independent party. It is near to impossible to edit your own work well! Any author can read their own books ten times and still miss out errors. The human brain is simply wired to anticipate patterns based on familiarities. To hire a professional editor, a novel length book will likely cost you well over a thousand dollars. It is, after all, a tedious job and requires some proper training. You can do this for free by getting your family and friends to edit it. Top of the list should be people you know who have experience as writers, publishers, editors, proofreaders etc. People with degree majors in English, Literature, Journalism, Mass Communications, or Law are also good choices. Try not to compromise in this area. There’s nothing more irritating to a reader than mistakes in a book and it spoils the flow and turns them off. It also resembles too much of a cheap self-published title for readers to recommend to others.

* Get an ISBN number (whatever that is) if it is not included in the overall price of the POD publisher’s package. The ISBN number is your book’s registration number similar to a car’s registration. It is also used by bookstores in the barcodes to track inventory and order your book. (see "How to get an ISBN and barcode") This may cost you a few dollars but if you are determine to spend nothing, you can still sell e-books with your own website or some third-party sites (like e-bay) without having an ISBN.

* Design your own cover. Some online publisher’s provide cover design tools for free as part of the uploading process. The covers won't look great but at least it's free.You can attempt to design your own if you are proficient with software like Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator or InDesign. Many internet websites offer free stock pictures or graphics you can download and use. Be sure to check their licensing policies first. Designing book covers require appropriate software and technical knowledge on printing requirements. If you don’t know how you can also source for freelancers or design students who are willing to do it for free by crediting them in the book and giving them some free copies for their portfolio.

* Search the Internet for POD and e-book publishers and research their offerings to determine which one is right for you. BookSurge, Lulu and iUniverse are the largest companies providing self-publishing and each offers various services. Lulu is a free service and you can choose to pay for your ISBN number, promotional package and the printing price of each book ordered. For more choices, check out this website: An Incomplete Guide to Print on Demand Publishers . You can also try free online e-shop sites like Createspace.com and Cafepress.com

* Prepare your manuscript and cover files in the right format. Some publishers require the manuscript to be in Adobe PDF format. I recommend Primo PDF which you can download and install for free. Others require a simple word document. Read the requirements online carefully first. You can always ask friends for a favour and use their computers with the right software if you don’t have it.

* Follow the instructions online carefully and check your book after uploading to make sure it turns out right. Order a copy yourself to see how it looks like for a customer who purchases it. If you’re really hard up for cash, get your family or friends to order a copy and have a look at how it turned out.

* Promote your book by setting up free websites or blogs where you can spread awareness, gather a fan base, or post excerpts. Circulate emails to your friends. Join the numerous writers’ groups and forums online, post notices, and build up a support network. You can also request for author talks in public libraries and bookstores. (That was how Christopher Paolini did it with “Eragon” at the age of 16!)

Tips & Warnings
Different online publishers have different royalty and fees, as well as terms and conditions over distribution rights. MAKE sure you read their policies carefully.

Stick to the large and well known ones. There are many dodgy folks out there prying on dreamy aspiring writers who are to eager to see their works published!

Never order a large number of books until you have proof read the first copy.

Don’t expect your book to start sell by itself. The most difficult aspect of the book business is marketing!

Also,

Finding a literary agent and getting published by a publisher is a very long and painstaking process for most aspiring authors. From the time you complete your manuscript, expect it to take a year or more before you finally land a publishing deal. It might take another year or so for the book to go to print while the publisher edits and prepares your book for publication. Most big publishers also have a long pipeline of books waiting to be released into the market and you'll have to get in queue even if your book is accepted. Add some more months while the book goes from printer to distributor to finally being placed on bookshelves in stores, most first time authors find that it is years before they see their book finally being sold. That is, if you manage to land a publishing deal in the first place. Trying to be a published author is like trying to be an actor; hundreds of thousands aspire but only a few make it.

My dad was right.

Still, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and make it. I'll be one of the few, or die trying.

Tuesday today. In three days time, I'll be waiting to receive my - omfg - A' Level results. Sorry to start off this post with such doom and gloom. Just need to get it out of the way before getting started on the nicer stuff. All I can say is, if I don't get AAB for my H2s, A for my GP and at least pass my H1, I am most certainly screwed.

Alright. Shall stop thinking about it; shall talk about something else. I'm postponing thinking about results until Friday itself.

So for the past couple of weekends, I've been working at the voucher-redemption counter at the Men's Department in Isetan Scotts, opposite Fred Perry (which has now become hotter and hotter to me the more I look at it) and Agnes B (which still hasn't and still looks gay, I'm sorry). I have frigging fallen in love with this bag at Fred Perry. But it's $699. I'm sorry, hot or not, I feel that no bag is worth that much.

For the first week, there was this Hot Holidays Happenings sale, where Isetan vouchers could be redeemed if members used their Isetan Privilege Card. And an additional 10% rebate on every $100 spent on golf items using your HSBC card. It's a promotion for the HSBC Women's Championship, after all. And Jazlyn and I have to help those rich-ass people redeem their vouchers. And let me just say that some of these people are seriously rich. They can spend up to $17,000 on a SINGLE receipt (goodness only knows what they could possibly have bought that amounted to that much), and come back again the next week with more supposed steals.

It can be boring at work, especially because the job is pretty darn easy (just sitting there waiting for people to come redeem their vouchers and recording their receipt numbers, etc), and I've heard the CD repeat itself over and over again. Now, 'Burnin Up' by the ever-annoying JoBros, 'So What' by Pink and (my favourite on the CD) 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift all remind me of work.

At least I have Jazlyn. I swear I have never talked so much to someone in my life. It came to the point where I was almost getting sick of my own voice. Goodness knows how SHE feels. Haha.

So we got past the initial awkwardness and thought, oh what the hell, if we're going to be stuck there with each other for nine days, eleven hours a day, we might as well do the thing we girls know best - talking. I wouldn't call it gossiping, really, because we talk about books and boys and movies and songs and school and prom and JENSEN ACKLES (okay, that comes under boys)...

So now, Jazlyn's the only one who knows the most about all the stories I have ever written. And not only that, she discussed the routes my current story, Bedful of Moonlight, can possibly take. So we spent hours brainstorming and me narrating my story and she listening. If you're reading this, Jazlyn, I just want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to you. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about my babies, thank you for asking me so many questions about my characters, thank you for throwing out suggestions and ideas and being frank with me about your view on my stories without being too offensive (it must be a skill). IF I ever get published, you'll be top on my acknowledgements list.

Raining now. Gotta wait till later to swim, so I'm watching my Supernatural Season 3 DVD right now (WHEEE!), marvelling the HOTNESS that is Sam&Dean (but Dean's still hotter, even though Sam has a cute smile).

Oh, and Kris from the Amazing Race is EFFIN HOTNESS. Seriously, they had to load up like super-heavy stuff onto a cart in Romania in yesterday's episode, and I totally got to see those arm muscles, not to mention the shoulder muscles too through that dark blue t-shirt he had on. YUM MAJOR. Amanda (his gf of three years) is one lucky girl. She reminds me of Hayden Panettiere, seriously, all blonde and perky and sunshiney. Very pretty. That might be why they're the team I'm rooting for, apart from Tammy and Victor (even though Victor's a real annoying chauvinist).

And Kris Allen from this season's American Idol got through to the Top 12! Woohoo! Krises of the world rock! Kris is so chill and modest, even though he's pretty darn talented. I mean, who can perform so well with a Michael Jackson song? Some other guy did it and he got voted out. It's not easy, man. And Kris nailed it. My dad also likes Adam Lambert. I'm okay with him, except his stupid punk look. His vocal range is INSANE, but he needs to remove that eyeliner and straighten up his lame-ass hair and stop wearing all that black and leather. He can actually be kinda cute. And Randy, HE DOES NOT HAVE ROBERT PATTINSON IN HIM. Rob's brand of singing is SO UNLIKE Adam's, come on. You're just saying that to get the girls crazy (and they DID go crazy).

Anyway. I've had my nuts for this morning (YUM), and now I'm going back to my Supernatural.

Btw, I'm going to start promoting my stories on this blog. So maybe I should learn from that guy who appeared in the papers the other day, who paid each person $2 - $5 for getting the word out. He's published like 4000 books so far. It's not much, but it's a start. Anyone know anything about all this PR stuff?

But then again, no one will be interested in helping. Just look at the response to my story so far, right?

Whatever. Supernatural now.

I know most of you reading this may not care. But - I'M DONE WITH MY NOVEL!!! I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DONE!!!! OMFG. All 318 pages of it. Done. Finito.

All those days of replaying River Flows in You by Yiruma and Runaway World by Making April over and over again, and agonising over how best to move the story forward without making it all seem too cliched. All those days cooped up at home in front of my Word Processor. All those moments of joy and exhilaration when I actually felt proud of myself for writing this story. All those moments of self-doubt, too, when I felt I was wasting my time working so hard on something no-one cares about, much less read. All those days of losing myself in the world I have created.

Done. Over.

Strangely, I feel more depressed than I am satisfied. Don't get me wrong, I feel really accomplished and all, but it's still kind of sad, to see your novel come to an end. I don't intend to write a sequel to Lilies (that is, When the Lilies Turn Orange) because then it'll be too draggy. Connell's problem is solved, and the characters have come to a resolution. I don't wanna create a tension for the sake of it, you know?

I wonder if that's how first-time novelists feel when they come to the end of their debut novel. Well, technically speaking, Lilies isn't my debut. High Grounds is (in fact, there were a couple more stories that came before High Grounds, but they were so amateurish I don't regard them as debuts, more like 'trial novels'). But High Grounds never felt like the end to me, maybe because I always intended to write a sequel, so it's not like the world (the setting for the story) has ended, like it feels as though it has for Lilies.

I've been spending my morning scouting for literary agents. And I found one who does email queries. They'll reply in 5 to 10 days, they promise. Nelson Agency seems reputable enough. It specialises in YA (young adult) fiction and romance, chick-lit, etc. So this seems like the right agency to go to. I've sent in my query to Kristin Nelson. I just hope she'll reply. Nothing screams rude more than someone who doesn't reply your query.

In the process of editing now. If anyone is interested in reading it, please email me at jcxw2590@yahoo.com.sg. I'll send you a copy of the manuscript. But please give feedback if you're going to read it. That's my only condition. Your help will be greatly appreciated.

I just discovered the beauty of haikus (a poetic artform with 3 lines, 5-7-5 syllables). Brevity is the soul of wit, like they say, and this is so true for haikus. They force you to make every word count, and that's good practice for someone like me, who wastes words like they're mine for the taking. I need to learn to appreciate the value of each word, and what better way to do so than to write haikus, yeah?

Amongst shadowed trees,
Blackened branches claw for light,
Reaching for daybreak.

I came up with this one this morning, when my dad fetched me to school. The road leading to the front gate of SAJC is really beautiful, all winding lonely lanes lined with trees. And you should see it on a rainy morning. SO FRIGGIN DRAMATIC. So Edgar Allan Poe.

Here's another one I penned during Econs lecture. It's kinda unrefined; that's cos of the distraction (in the form of the lecturer)...

Hold my gaze
A little longer,
A pause of heartbeat -
But I watch
Your back retreat.

Obviously, this isn't a haiku. Just some random crap I came up with.

Ripples fluttering,
A gentle storm takes over;
Crisp dew dapples
The waking earth.

I feckin love haikus :)

Got a couple more poems (not mine) that I'd like to share. They're so lovely.

Love Song to No One
Butterfly Box

I've decided I'll post my works up here, cos this is my blog, and it's supposed to contain everything about me. So if I posted my works elsewhere, like on WritersCafe, this blog would be somehow incomplete. But I'll still be posting my stuff up on WritersCafe.

So I just came up with this, when I'm totally supposed to be working on my GP essay. OMG. INEEDTOSTUDY. 3 MORE WEEKS TO BT2!!!

Anyway, I was kinda emo-ing a little, so the imagery in this poem is not as chipper as you'd probably prefer. So here it is: The Closed Sign

Three Minutes by Amber Dinquel, Age 15
Three minutes
could mean a life time
Three minutes
is a dance, you've waited a lifetime for
Three minutes
is a kiss, passionate and slow
Three minutes
is a love song
Three minutes
is all it takes to break some one's heart
Three minutes was all it took
To make me fall in love with you

I so love this one.

Just came back from the Writer's Ink 12-hr Competition in school. It was from 8.30pm last night to 8.30am this morning, and I hardly caught a wink. Spent the entire night up writing two prose: 'The Best Disguises' and 'Angels Calling'. We were supposed to incorporate the clues they provided into our writing, which made it really tough, because the clues were like, so depressing (there were two movie clips that were like war films, where laundry of the dead soldiers in WW2 were uncollected and the soldier that survived had to collect it for them, and where this weird crazy artist was imagining himself in 'strawberry fields' which were actually representative of bombs and bloodshed during wartime. And then, there was the first clue, which we had to fish out of a bag and I got a toy car - ?! - and the last clue was the easiest - thank gdns - being a song by Day the The Fair about heartbreak: Thanks for the Christmases you made and murdered for me).

It was the first time I have EVER stayed up the entire night - through to the next morning - without sleeping! And I spent the whole night up WRITING. Yeahman. That's the part that rocked. The world looks so different when it's alseep. I especially love the 5am to 6am period, when the day is slowly waking and the smell of possibilities linger in the air like damp morning vapour, but the world isn't quite awake yet and everything's still quiet. Yeah, I guess I'm more of a morning person. I just love the freshness of a new day and the infinite opportunities and promises it brings.

Anyway, many thanks to Writer's Ink for organising this camp, though to improve it even more, maybe next time you could add a sharing session (on publishing and writing) in the itinerary? Special thanks to Kellyn, Gayathiri and Amillin (they're like ze star GP students in SA for our batch, btw) for all the help and friendliness. Oh, and thanks to Mrs Claudine Tan too, who oversaw this whole event, and went and got pizza, chocolates, grapes, biscuits and all that for our supper last night.

Had I known there was such a thing as Writer's Ink in SA, I would DEFINITELY have joined it. Stupidstupidstupid! How could I be so oblivious and uninitiated?!?!?!?!?! Now it's too darn late. They even have a newsletter published (this year's is the pilot batch for Writer's), and it's really good. It's printed on good quality material, and the whole getup is really professional-looking, and the works in there are really good too. If only I'd joined, then I could see my work published too.


But ohwells. No use crying over smudged mascara.

Anyway, thanks once again to Writer's Ink 2008 :)